Charles Gupton

Story

Are you Hoarding Fear?

Over the last couple of years, as Linda and I have moved in the direction of creating short films for companies, we’ve encountered a fair amount of underlying fear from business owners who need to be telling their stories. But their fear is holding them hostage.

Fear of trying something new. Fear of uncovering their own story about why they do what they do. Fear of spending money in an uncertain economy. Fear that cripples them from growing and using their abilities to be more productive and profitable.

During the same period, we have been more deeply involved with elder care for several relatives. We’ve seen parallels that are unsettling when people are unwilling to address fear and make necessary adjustments before those changes are no longer as helpful to them.

I have an aunt in Charleston, S.C., who is being placed in a nursing home this week. When her husband, Tony, died twelve years ago, her life virtually stopped. She wanted no changes in her life to occur. When her refrigerator stopped working several years back, she refused to allow it to be replaced because Tony bought it. Her washer and dryer were in an outside storage room that she could barely manage to access but she refused to move them in the house because Tony had put them there when he did the laundry. She wouldn’t allow his pickup truck to be moved from under her carport so that it could shelter her and her car in inclement weather even though she is extremely handicapped.

Some of the trash, mixed with new purchases, stacked in my aunt’s home as a result of hoarding.

Knowing that she would become increasingly more disabled,we tried, without success, to get her outside help to prepare her food, clean her house, and take care of her physical needs. Because she’s a hoarder, trash piled up. When cat litter boxes were no longer emptied, feces and urine filled the house. Although Social Services was called several times, we were told there was nothing they or we could do.

When she fell recently, a concerned neighbor called the police, who finally got Social Services involved and got her home condemned. She was placed in the hospital until her placement into the nursing home.

Her greatest fear was to be forced to leave her house. Had she been willing to make the emotionally uncomfortable but incremental changes to maintain her quality of life, she could still be in her home. And in better health. Her “story” of distrusting other people – friends and relatives who love her – exacerbated her fears and paralyzed her life.

My aunt is an extreme case. Reality TV shows feature people like her so that viewers can think, “I may hold on to my particular comforts or fears, but I’m not that bad!”

Maybe not. But the fears that hold you back are not allowing you to grow your life or be of service to people around you. Fear causes you to keep your attention on you.

I work in the business of telling stories for businesses because I believe the stories we tell have the power to launch us forward. I want to uncover and shape stories so that people can reach their potential for helping others (and making a profit). But I’ve come to understand that I can’t help anyone who is unwilling to stop being a pack rat holding on to fear.

Are there fears holding you back today?

Charles

Examine Your Personal Story at Work

We all carry our personal baggage to work.

Everything we do and every decision we make is based on an emotional load we’re carrying around. You may not see your baggage — or realize the weight others are carrying — but it’s there.

Over the last few years, I’ve come to a huge understanding. When it occurred to me, I thought of it as a “duh, of course!” moment. But I soon realized it held much larger implications for me and the people I work with.

If you have trouble managing money at home? Expect it to show up in your business. Have difficulty trusting men in your personal affairs? It’s going to surface in the office. Struggle with setting boundaries with family members? See if those same issues are popping up in meetings at work.

That insight has caused me to look at the conversations I have with others and even their social media posts as important indicators of what to be aware of in business settings where that person is involved.

During a discussion last year with the founder of an investment firm about photographs for their marketing materials, he insisted on a transfer of copyright. With a little poking around, I discovered he held a number of beliefs about not trusting other people and the need to maintain absolute control over others. Not a person I wanted to make a business investment with.

I’ve also realized that people who quickly bring up their lack of budget and/or spend a lot of effort to beat suppliers down on price usually have low self esteem and are usually under-earners who don’t feel valued themselves.

I believe it’s impossible to consistently make and live with business decisions that are outside of one’s personal values and beliefs. When people are abundant in their personal outlooks, it will surface in in all their decisions. If, on the other hand, fear and scarcity rule their thoughts, no professional veneer will shift their business behavior.

And what’s true for others is true for you as well.

Charles

How Happy is Your Story?

The starting point for happiness is a decision. Abe Lincoln is quoted as saying, “A man is about as happy as he makes up his mind to be.”

When I catch myself dwelling on situations in our lives that are stressful — situations that I can do very little, if anything, about — my attitude and spirit tend to plummet. That’s not surprising. What is surprising, if not alarming, is that I understand that I am making the choice to dwell on something that is outside of my control. As a result, I’m making the choice to allow my spirit to flag. These are not outside influences. It is internal, In my own mind.

I know through established research and my own experience that choosing to focus on situations that are within my influence, if not my control, is a path of far more contentment.

So much of our story, both personal and business, is shaped by the stories we create in our minds. When the stories are stressful, our lives appear to us as spinning out of control. When we focus on situations that are in our influence and take the necessary actions to affect them, I find that we are far more content and happy.

The decision has been to either allow the loop of fear to run or to stop it and start playing the loop of possibility and hope. Either way, I’m about as happy as I’ve decided I want to be.

And you?

Charles

Corporate Policies are People Stories

Over my 30 years of shooting photographs for corporate and editorial clients, I’ve encountered numerous policies established by companies to regulate how their buyers interact with their suppliers. The policies cover the usual areas including payment, usage, rights and delivery. I even had a recent client who had a company policy against — against, mind you! — giving recommendations or referrals for their suppliers. Talk about a policy that works against building trusting relationships. And this from a company that emphasizes its commitment to building relationships!

For a long time, I simmered with anger over the various boilerplate policies companies threw at me, even accepting for a time that they weren’t personal. It was, after all, just business. Often I’ve heard the establishment of said policies being blamed on “butt-puckered lawyers,” “the suits,” or “the bean counters.” The admonition to not take it personally was delivered in a tone intended to convince everyone to just accept such policies as “industry standards” that could be neither questioned nor changed.

But, over time, I grew to understand that all policies are personal and therefore have the possibility of being changed. Policies are personal because they are established or initiated by a person. Even if a large governmental body or a board of directors agrees to a certain policy, one person was instrumental in advancing the idea for a particularly personal reason. That reason is usually based on a fear of loss or the scarcity of some important resource, usually money.

I’ve found that through a personal relationship or a sympathetic client, an established policy can often be modified or have an exception made. For example, a 60-day payment policy can be shortened by having someone willing to walk an invoice through accounting.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned about policies and the people who present them is that they are, like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, parts of a bigger picture or story of the people who make up a company.

People who treat other people, including their suppliers, like replaceable commodities are very likely being treated like a replaceable commodity by their own company. Like a bully who’s being bullied at home, people usually treat others the way they feel like they are being treated.

Corporate policies are, at their roots, stories of the people who created and enforce them. The only way to modify a policy is to change the story that surrounds it.

Charles

Wanna Change Minds? Create a New Story.

“In your zeal to persuade, you will stifle the voice of the other side. Misusing art to preach, your story will become a thinly discussed sermon as you strive in a single stroke to convert the world. – Robert McKee in “Story.

I believe the raw emotional desire of many people to be a part of something bigger than themselves overshadows their effectiveness in having a significant impact on things that have meaning to them.

The issue of same-sex marriage is one that is already polarizing and will only become more so. An interesting point to me is the number of people I know who don’t have a dog in the fight, per say — they’re in a heterosexual marriage with minimal contact with homosexuals — but see the debate as an issue of justice and have decided to take a stand.

I know equally committed people who believe that the sanctity of one man/one woman is the only foundation of marriage. Their concern is not only for loosening the definition of marriage. Many people believe that increasing tolerance for homosexuality also allows increasing acceptance of multiple-spouse marriages, sexual relationships between adults and children, and bestiality.

As I listen to many people present their reasoning for their point of view, not only do they believe their side is right, but they are so entrenched and immovable that no common ground can be established or tolerated. The image in my mind is from WWI battlefield scenes in which the enemies are dug in for the long fight. The ground between them is a no-man’s land strewn with barbed wire and casualties of battle.

I am strongly opinionated and have jumped into far more fights than I care to remember. Several have been life-altering and broken close friendships which have never healed. Looking back on the battles, a few of my views have not changed much. But the a majority of them have. If I were in politics, you would definitely call me a “flip flopper.” I call it growth. Maturity. Wisdom.

Using story is more effective in changing others' points of view than being more dogmatic about your own.

Time and experience have a way of filing off the sharp points. They may not alter the core make-up of our being, but like water constantly flowing over granite, we smooth out little by little over time.

Intransigence has its value. There are absolutes we should be willing to be bound by.

My issue is not with the inherent truths we believe. My concern is whether I am, and you are, actually making an impact or just making noise. Use your power to create useful electricity, not more static.

Whether two sides are firing mortars or insults, neither is affecting the change they want to see. When each side’s primary dogma is to undermine the enemy’s dogma, very little gets accomplished.

I deeply believe the human heart is called to be out of itself, to a purpose far bigger and more expansive than it can achieve on its own. To reach that purpose, it must develop the capacity to listen.

Blasting someone with your “facts” and your opinion won’t change their views. The only way to affect others’ views is to change the way they see themselves in their larger stories. To do that, you need to understand where they fit in their own story.

You have a decision to make. Do you want to continue with your emotional screed or do you want to be effective, to have an impact on changing the story? You can’t do both.

Charles