Charles Gupton

Emotions

Examine Your Personal Story at Work

We all carry our personal baggage to work.

Everything we do and every decision we make is based on an emotional load we’re carrying around. You may not see your baggage — or realize the weight others are carrying — but it’s there.

Over the last few years, I’ve come to a huge understanding. When it occurred to me, I thought of it as a “duh, of course!” moment. But I soon realized it held much larger implications for me and the people I work with.

If you have trouble managing money at home? Expect it to show up in your business. Have difficulty trusting men in your personal affairs? It’s going to surface in the office. Struggle with setting boundaries with family members? See if those same issues are popping up in meetings at work.

That insight has caused me to look at the conversations I have with others and even their social media posts as important indicators of what to be aware of in business settings where that person is involved.

During a discussion last year with the founder of an investment firm about photographs for their marketing materials, he insisted on a transfer of copyright. With a little poking around, I discovered he held a number of beliefs about not trusting other people and the need to maintain absolute control over others. Not a person I wanted to make a business investment with.

I’ve also realized that people who quickly bring up their lack of budget and/or spend a lot of effort to beat suppliers down on price usually have low self esteem and are usually under-earners who don’t feel valued themselves.

I believe it’s impossible to consistently make and live with business decisions that are outside of one’s personal values and beliefs. When people are abundant in their personal outlooks, it will surface in in all their decisions. If, on the other hand, fear and scarcity rule their thoughts, no professional veneer will shift their business behavior.

And what’s true for others is true for you as well.

Charles

A Happiness Built on Joy

I work under the illusion every day that I can accomplish more than I can. One benefit is that I actually get a fair number of things done over time. A downside is that I’m seldom satisfied with what I did get done, often focusing my discontent on the remaining items from the list which didn’t get completed. But hope frequently deceives me into believing that the next day will be different than all those that have come before.

Although constant driving and striving lead to many tasks getting done, the overall tenor of the journey is seldom happiness. I wrote one morning a few months back that I want my life to be one of “chronic joy” with bouts of “acute happiness.”

That simple revelation has caused me to focus on my consistent state of mind and question how the activities and people I engage with affect my state of mind during and after my involvement with them. Is my mindset one of joyful abundance or fear and security?

The difference between joy and happiness is that I see joy as being about my state of mind while happiness tends to be affected by the circumstances I’m in or believe I’m in.

Happiness is built on a foundation of joy. Not the other way around. I can be joyful even when I’m not pleased with the circumstances that surround me. But I can never be happy with my circumstances when my heart and mind are focused on scarcity.

The interesting revelation for me is that my joy is more constant or “chronic” when I allow myself time in each day for the abundance which comes from overall balance in my day. Joy doesn’t come from how many items got checked off my list but whether the overall approach was balanced with healthy, important activities. A mindful approach to quality vs. quantity of things done.

Charles

Wanna Change Minds? Create a New Story.

“In your zeal to persuade, you will stifle the voice of the other side. Misusing art to preach, your story will become a thinly discussed sermon as you strive in a single stroke to convert the world. – Robert McKee in “Story.

I believe the raw emotional desire of many people to be a part of something bigger than themselves overshadows their effectiveness in having a significant impact on things that have meaning to them.

The issue of same-sex marriage is one that is already polarizing and will only become more so. An interesting point to me is the number of people I know who don’t have a dog in the fight, per say — they’re in a heterosexual marriage with minimal contact with homosexuals — but see the debate as an issue of justice and have decided to take a stand.

I know equally committed people who believe that the sanctity of one man/one woman is the only foundation of marriage. Their concern is not only for loosening the definition of marriage. Many people believe that increasing tolerance for homosexuality also allows increasing acceptance of multiple-spouse marriages, sexual relationships between adults and children, and bestiality.

As I listen to many people present their reasoning for their point of view, not only do they believe their side is right, but they are so entrenched and immovable that no common ground can be established or tolerated. The image in my mind is from WWI battlefield scenes in which the enemies are dug in for the long fight. The ground between them is a no-man’s land strewn with barbed wire and casualties of battle.

I am strongly opinionated and have jumped into far more fights than I care to remember. Several have been life-altering and broken close friendships which have never healed. Looking back on the battles, a few of my views have not changed much. But the a majority of them have. If I were in politics, you would definitely call me a “flip flopper.” I call it growth. Maturity. Wisdom.

Using story is more effective in changing others' points of view than being more dogmatic about your own.

Time and experience have a way of filing off the sharp points. They may not alter the core make-up of our being, but like water constantly flowing over granite, we smooth out little by little over time.

Intransigence has its value. There are absolutes we should be willing to be bound by.

My issue is not with the inherent truths we believe. My concern is whether I am, and you are, actually making an impact or just making noise. Use your power to create useful electricity, not more static.

Whether two sides are firing mortars or insults, neither is affecting the change they want to see. When each side’s primary dogma is to undermine the enemy’s dogma, very little gets accomplished.

I deeply believe the human heart is called to be out of itself, to a purpose far bigger and more expansive than it can achieve on its own. To reach that purpose, it must develop the capacity to listen.

Blasting someone with your “facts” and your opinion won’t change their views. The only way to affect others’ views is to change the way they see themselves in their larger stories. To do that, you need to understand where they fit in their own story.

You have a decision to make. Do you want to continue with your emotional screed or do you want to be effective, to have an impact on changing the story? You can’t do both.

Charles

Exercise Your Gratitude

I like to think of gratitude as a muscle rather than a feeling.

When I miss a few weeks of playing tennis or swimming, I now know that the muscles associated with those activities are going to be especially stiff as I start because they haven’t been used much. Finding them again can be rather uncomfortable.

It’s much the same with gratitude. Too frequently, I get so busy with activities that I don’t slow down enough to be truly grateful for the many, simple pleasures and blessings that surround me.

I'm grateful for the walking trails on our farm.

I took a long, cool drink of water from our spring yesterday, I realized how much I take our water for granted. It was a very warm afternoon and I was soaked from doing outside labor. That drink of water was about the best thing I could imagine having. As my gratitude “muscle” got stretched with that thought, other pleasures started trickling into my mind until it was flooded with experiences that I often overlook, but are of great consequence in my life. Good health. A great marriage. Work that I love. Great food that we grow and enjoy eating. Long walks on the trails we’ve been clearing on our land. The ability to walk. Helpful neighbors. An enjoyable dog. A love of reading.

As I allowed my gratitude muscle to have a good workout, my entire body and mind were re-energized. My body was still tired, but it was a great, “I’ve-been-doing-meaningful-work” kind of tired that allows one to sleep well and wake up to hit a new day with purpose and zeal.

Unfortunately, a state of ongoing gratitude is not where I live. I need to remind myself daily to focus my attention on that exercise. It’s way too easy to live in the mindset of focusing on what I don’t have. To strive for what I’m missing — rather than enjoying what is already filling my life with completeness.

When I hear about a great project a peer is working on or an exciting vacation a friend is about to take, I have a choice to make. I can elect to be jealous or I can be truly excited for their windfall. My reaction is a strong indication of my state of mind. Am I in a place of abundant gratitude or scarceness and envy?

Here’s are some questions we can ask ourselves. If outsiders to our lives were to consider our condition, would they feel envy or pity? If you focus on what you have, even for a moment, rather than what you want, does it change your perspective? Does it impact your level of energy when you give your gratitude muscle a workout?

Charles

Enough Talking Already, Do the Work!

My mind is on the creative process a lot as I move through my day. As an artist, I am constantly battling with where to allocate the time for creative thinking, planning and the execution of my projects.

There are a number of titles that I’ve heard for the small business owner, including owner-operator or solopreneur. The title I’ve given myself is artist-operator because, even though I am an artist first, it’s the process of operations and sales that moves a business forward and gives a hope of being profitable. The corollary is that the operation of a business can easily overwhelm the time and space for creative work to be conceived and brought to life.

I talk with a number of creative people on a regular basis who are, in various ways, waiting for the creative “muse” to arrive and create that space in time for them, or they expect the “muse” to meet them on their journey and inspire them to produce.

I have found that the “muse” doesn’t sit and wait.  Nor does it come to find us. The “muse” must be sought.

Even knowing this, I found myself grumbling recently about a self-directed project that had stalled because I was spending so much time and thought on the operations and sales processes. And then the “muse” spoke. It said, “Shut-up with the talking and come find me.” The moment I started working on the “doing” of the project rather than the “talking” about the work, the muse met me and the project was completed within days.
Julia Cameron, in her book “The Artist’s Way,” talks about the need to show up at the page. Good writing doesn’t get written unless the writer shows up at the page and writes anymore than a structure gets built without the builder showing up and building.

Are you showing up to do your work or waiting for the “muse” to find you and bring the work along?

Charles