Charles Gupton

Business

Are You Seeking Approval or Growth?

At the end of a recent business meeting, the facilitator immediately began asking the participants for an evaluation of her efforts. How was the structure? Pacing? Content? All of her questions were driving for a quick summation of “How did I do?”

When a positive response – “You were great!” – was offered, she beamed and gave a quick account of her efforts in planning the details. Several people also offered a suggestion for some improvement, but were cut off with a defensive argument about why their idea wouldn’t work.

While her requests were posed as a search for objective feedback, she appeared to be looking only for approval. Nothing wrong with that. We all can use a confidence boost when we’ve pushed our comfort boundaries.

The risk lies in confusing bon mots with information we need to make our efforts better. Although we need both, the key lies in separating the two by asking different questions. And then listening – without defense – to the answers. Asking questions such as the following could give better insights to help you offer better value and ensure you’ll be asked to come back again.

What aspects of the presentation created value for you? Why?
What are some areas for improvement and how?
Who would you recommend to hear this presentation and why?

By distinguishing between where you are now with where you desire to be, you can use the positive qualities you already posses to contribute to the place you’re capable of growing to.

Charles

 

Using Your Potential

My personal mission in life is “to optimize the value of people’s lives by encouraging them to reach their potential.”

About fifteen to twenty years ago, there were several waves of books and articles stressing the importance of having a personal mission statement and, if possible, aligning it with one’s business culture as well.

Although the fad passed, I’ve revisited and tweaked mine through the years and continue to find that the core thread has remained consistent.

The primary value of writing out my life’s core purpose many years ago was that, when I used it, everything I did could be measured against it and I could see that my most fulfilling relationships – personal and business – came out of serving others‘ potential.

Whenever a potential client contacts me, I always ask, as part of my discovery process, “How do you see my work with you forwarding your goals and helping your company reach its potential?” It helps me stay focused on and align my work with what my clients’ need.

But I’ve also come to realize that I get terribly frustrated, and unfortunately very irritated, with individuals and businesses who refuse to use their abilities and potential, but instead remain static and scared to move forward. I see it way too often.

Whatever the excuse – too young, too old, too little time, too little money, under qualified, over qualified – the underlying cause is always fear. It sounds overly simplistic to say, but you have to take the risk and move out in some small way, anyway.

Waiting until the landscape changes could create an easier journey but it could create more obstacles as well. And even if conditions do improve, there are steps that can be taken now that will make it even easier down the road.

Waiting until the election is over, until we get past the holidays, after the New Year, when it gets a little warmer, or any other fear-based excuse will not make it any better. You’re just wasting your great potential to make a difference and a better life for yourself. Today.

Charles

Cultivating for Growth

“Everybody thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself.” ~ Leo Tolstoy

In my last post, I pointed to some thoughtful comments from a Facebook friend about cultivating a life done well. Along the way I have observed that the cultivation process can be a lonely pursuit, as well.

A lot of people talk about growing and changing, but not many are willing to suffer the discomfort of doing so. Most people are more comfortable if those around them stay just like them rather than joining in on the journey of growth. The process of growing often requires developing new friendships to replace the ones left behind as one grows.

Just as it does for plants, cultivating the “soil” of our minds allows for new ideas to grow in a better environment.

The pain of challenging one’s paradigm gets more intense as one ages. The older you become, the deeper your roots are within your support community. The more entrenched your roots, the more painful is the process of uprooting your beliefs — both for you and those around you. It’s easier and less disturbing for all if we stay “planted” in our mindset.

The more deeply I care for someone, the harder I press them to examine their own paradigm and grow. My reasons may be as much selfish as they are altruistic. If I love them, I don’t want to lose them. But I’m more afraid of growing old and stagnant than I am of not being able to develop new relationships that allow for the evolution of ideas and the actions those ideas require.

I want the story of my life to be active and constantly amended. The process of cultivation — of the soil and one’s mind — is digging up and loosening what’s there so that new growth and a rich harvest can occur.

What’s your take?

Charles

Fake it ‘til You Make…What?

We’ve all done it at some point. Most do it to some degree every day. We act, in front of other people, as if things are going well when we don’t ourselves have the confidence that they are. We’re hoping that we can simply “fake it ‘til we make it.”

Just as there is evidence that smiling when you don’t feel happy will make you happier, there is great evidence that “acting as if” something will happen greatly increases the likelihood of that “something” happening. It truly does help to believe in a vision as a means of making it come true.

Does “faking it” help or hamper your road to success?

I’ve been striving for so long to hit some of my career goals that I no longer know whether I’m “faking” my belief that perseverance will lead to success or whether my belief is really real. And does it really matter?

However, can there be a point at which believing that something will succeed, even in the face of all evidence that it won’t, hampers the ability to move ahead in a new direction, with a new solution, that does have a chance of getting us where we want to be?

That question has infused my mind for the past several days after I had a conversation with a friend this week. She’s been more evasive than normal, wearing an “everything’s great” facade like a smile-on-a-stick. As she started to explain how hectic, but great, everything’s been going, she broke down in tears to say that although her career was taking a turn for the better, her marriage has been crumbling over the past year.

The desire to keep up an appearance of success in her community was critical for her to not be seen as “damaged goods” while looking for a new job. Although I understand, I also wonder how much emotional fuel we burn trying to maintain appearances rather than using that energy to get where we need to be. Who do we want in our community, people who understand the complexity of juggling life’s ups and downs — or those who live to judge?

What is the life that we’re making that makes up for all of our faking?

Charles

Being Responsible, Responsibly

Taking responsibility for a mistake means more than saying “I did it, but it wasn’t my fault,” when finally backed into a corner.  Accepting responsibility requires not shifting blame to another party but taking the necessary steps to make amends.

You witness examples of people not taking responsibility on a regular basis, don’t you?

Your doctor performs an unnecessary exam that you’re charged for without telling you until you get the bill. He tries to deflect responsibility but still expects you to pay the bill.

A co-worker commits to getting some key information for a project you’re responsible for, but doesn’t come through. She says “I got caught up with another project.” But you’re still left in the bind.

A friend lets some gossip slip out that hurts another relationship dear to you, but refuses to correct the mistake, leaving you in an awkward position.

In every case of shifted responsibility, an action was taken – or not – that leaves you in a difficult situation. The offending party, seemingly, walks away unscathed.
We have all experienced the wasted time and frustration dealing with the unwillingness of some people to ever step up and own their responsibility for screwing up.

But when clarity of thought resumes, the question to ask is: “In what situations am I overlooking my responsibility to take responsibility?”

Charles