Charles Gupton

Attitude

Are you a Neighbor or a Resident?

About two years ago, our neighbor Leroy died.  A few months later his wife Carrie, facing progressive dementia, moved in with one of her daughters leaving a quiet shell of a house with no one around to share a greeting and passing thoughts about the weather.

Joe's dog tied to a tree

Several months ago, Joe, divorced and middle-aged, bought the house and immediately staked six dogs out in the yard. Although they have a 50-gallon barrel for shelter, they are never allowed off their chains and are never handled with any affection or attention. Their role is, ostensibly, to guard the property by barking at anything that moves. And bark they do. Throughout the day and night. Loud and piercing. Joe bought this place because he was forced out of his former rental because of the dogs.

I’d like to be able to say that I take the noise in stride through meditation and a calm spirit of understanding, but I don’t. Especially at 2:17 a.m. when the cacophony has awoken me and I can’t seem to get back to a deep sleep for hours.

But rather than getting angry about something I can’t control, I’m trying to understand what makes people lose awareness of their actions and the impact they have on others. Living in close proximity to others does not necessarily cause one to think in terms of being a neighbor. A residence is a place to sleep and store the stuff of one’s life. Being a resident in a place implies no responsibility to anyone else’s needs. Being a neighbor implies there is some.

Without care, it’s easy to take a ‘resident’ mindset into every aspect of our lives, whether it’s the cubicle we work in or the traffic we’re driving in. Cutting people off or polluting their environment with our ‘noise’ gives a measure of control with an “I’m out for me!” attitude. But at what cost?

Charles

Where’s Your Heart?

I think I should watch more tennis on TV. Although I seldom allow myself the time to watch the sport I most enjoy, I’m always charged up afterwards.

I only watched two matches from the recent Wimbledon tournament – the quarterfinals match between Roger Federer and Jo-Wilfred Tsonga and the finals match between Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal. In both encounters, not only did the underdog win, but I believe he also stunned the expected winner.

The first reason for the underdog’s success was conditioning, both physical and mental. In the Federer/Tsonga match, Federer won the first two sets (out of the best of five). He went into the match with a 178-0 record against opponents after taking the first two sets. The odds were certainly in his favor and I think he expected Tsonga to know this and give up.

The second reason that the underdogs won was attitude, or heart. Tsonga wouldn’t give up. He ran down every shot and hit amazing returns time and again. He never showed any sign of mental or physical weakness. I believe Federer was caught resting on his accomplishments and expecting his opponent to respectfully give up.

Are you willing to run all out?

In the finals, I saw the same traits in a different order. Djokovic stepped on the court to win and dominated the first two sets. When his focus blurred in the third set, Nadal seized on the lapse and won the set. A visibly shaken Djokovic recovered his mojo in the fourth set to win.

So what?

The reason I care is that I know a number of photographers, designers and myriad business people who were once at the top of their game. Not only were they winning nearly all the business that came their way, but they also captured most of the awards their industry handed out.

Then change happened. Younger players, or possibly new players displaced from another career, entered the game and caused disruptions in the rankings. The established players wanted to coast. They didn’t want to learn new technology or develop better mental, and often physical, conditioning. They wanted their achievements to be respected.

But new players want a piece of the glory. They’re often willing to work harder and smarter. They read blogs, leverage social media and go to more networking opportunities. When it comes to the crunch time, they often show more “heart.” When they do, they often win. Established players often have the attitude that younger players should wait and “pay their dues.” But players – young and old – with heart, play to win.

Where are you in your game? What are you doing to develop your conditioning? And your attitude?

Charles

Exercise Your Gratitude

I like to think of gratitude as a muscle rather than a feeling.

When I miss a few weeks of playing tennis or swimming, I now know that the muscles associated with those activities are going to be especially stiff as I start because they haven’t been used much. Finding them again can be rather uncomfortable.

It’s much the same with gratitude. Too frequently, I get so busy with activities that I don’t slow down enough to be truly grateful for the many, simple pleasures and blessings that surround me.

I'm grateful for the walking trails on our farm.

I took a long, cool drink of water from our spring yesterday, I realized how much I take our water for granted. It was a very warm afternoon and I was soaked from doing outside labor. That drink of water was about the best thing I could imagine having. As my gratitude “muscle” got stretched with that thought, other pleasures started trickling into my mind until it was flooded with experiences that I often overlook, but are of great consequence in my life. Good health. A great marriage. Work that I love. Great food that we grow and enjoy eating. Long walks on the trails we’ve been clearing on our land. The ability to walk. Helpful neighbors. An enjoyable dog. A love of reading.

As I allowed my gratitude muscle to have a good workout, my entire body and mind were re-energized. My body was still tired, but it was a great, “I’ve-been-doing-meaningful-work” kind of tired that allows one to sleep well and wake up to hit a new day with purpose and zeal.

Unfortunately, a state of ongoing gratitude is not where I live. I need to remind myself daily to focus my attention on that exercise. It’s way too easy to live in the mindset of focusing on what I don’t have. To strive for what I’m missing — rather than enjoying what is already filling my life with completeness.

When I hear about a great project a peer is working on or an exciting vacation a friend is about to take, I have a choice to make. I can elect to be jealous or I can be truly excited for their windfall. My reaction is a strong indication of my state of mind. Am I in a place of abundant gratitude or scarceness and envy?

Here’s are some questions we can ask ourselves. If outsiders to our lives were to consider our condition, would they feel envy or pity? If you focus on what you have, even for a moment, rather than what you want, does it change your perspective? Does it impact your level of energy when you give your gratitude muscle a workout?

Charles

Endless Re-Entry

I kind of followed my own advice from my previous blog post when I decided to shut up and do my work. I decided to drop away from most meetings that were not assignment related and almost all extracurricular activities including most social media outlets or any web surfing to get several projects completed.

The primary project has been to get all of my branding materials including website, business cards, documents, emailers, etc. to have one consistent look. No three elements of my materials were consistent in either content or design with each other.

It is amazing to me how few of the businesses that are in the business of working with companies on branding materials have their own materials in order. I’ve been just as guilty, and needed to get my house in order.

Unfortunately, the only way I know to get anything which requires extreme focus done, is to drop away from everything that is not urgent, even if it is important. Because I’ve made a commitment to get the MindFire newsletter out twice each month, I focused particular attention on getting that written and shipped. And of course, there are those assignments which actually keeps the mortgage paid and the power on, not to mention groceries in the cupboards.

But virtually every social and business engagement that is not urgent on any given day got cut. That means having hurt some feelings of people who are important but don’t have urgent needs to respond to. But, of course, when someone thinks their matter is important, it becomes urgent to them. Thus, some singed emotions.

I have been trying for some time to stay slightly engaged on all fronts without any noticeable slippage. But what slips is not seen on the stage necessarily, it’s behind the curtain of life. Most of it comes in the form of diminished mental and physical health when we never let down on our outside appearance of being “on.” The other areas that get a hit are those that require a lot of focused attention such as writing or creating a new vision.

What I’m having to come to accept is that, as an introvert at heart, I need time away from engagement with people to regain energy and focus. I also need my own permission to exit and take this time away. When I do re-enter, I’m always charged up with renewed energy and excitement because some of the pressure to get important stuff done is relieved and I have attention to share with people again. It’s a very good thing. But, as much as I get tired of explaining that to others, I get even more tired of having to explain it to myself.

Charles

Enough Talking Already, Do the Work!

My mind is on the creative process a lot as I move through my day. As an artist, I am constantly battling with where to allocate the time for creative thinking, planning and the execution of my projects.

There are a number of titles that I’ve heard for the small business owner, including owner-operator or solopreneur. The title I’ve given myself is artist-operator because, even though I am an artist first, it’s the process of operations and sales that moves a business forward and gives a hope of being profitable. The corollary is that the operation of a business can easily overwhelm the time and space for creative work to be conceived and brought to life.

I talk with a number of creative people on a regular basis who are, in various ways, waiting for the creative “muse” to arrive and create that space in time for them, or they expect the “muse” to meet them on their journey and inspire them to produce.

I have found that the “muse” doesn’t sit and wait.  Nor does it come to find us. The “muse” must be sought.

Even knowing this, I found myself grumbling recently about a self-directed project that had stalled because I was spending so much time and thought on the operations and sales processes. And then the “muse” spoke. It said, “Shut-up with the talking and come find me.” The moment I started working on the “doing” of the project rather than the “talking” about the work, the muse met me and the project was completed within days.
Julia Cameron, in her book “The Artist’s Way,” talks about the need to show up at the page. Good writing doesn’t get written unless the writer shows up at the page and writes anymore than a structure gets built without the builder showing up and building.

Are you showing up to do your work or waiting for the “muse” to find you and bring the work along?

Charles