Charles Gupton

Attitude

Reflections on Illness

For a little over two weeks, I’ve been getting my butt kicked. At times, literally. But more to the point, I’ve been having my pride kicked. Very hard.

Because I’ve not taken ill in over nine years, I’d begun thinking my immune system was invincible. I see illness as a sort of moral failure. Having to acknowledge illness for me is not unlike saying, “I’ve been going to the old folks’ home for the past two weeks and raping the residents. I hope to be over that in a couple of days, ‘cause it’s growing old.”

So the last couple of weeks have been humbling to my spirit. But I consider that a good thing, as well. Even though I take great pride in my health, I don’t believe I’m necessarily judgmental about other’s health. But lack of judgment on someone and having compassion are not the same thing. Being in a weakened state greatly increases my compassion for other’s weakness.

Also, I am (I hope) on the repair. For many who have on-going conditions, illness is their way of life. For several days I could keep nothing on my stomach. But for many undergoing chemotherapy, it’s their daily existence.

I feel like it sounds trite to say so, but when I have my comforts removed, it helps me to put them in perspective with those living in those conditions of illness as a matter of course. When I think about people who are living with far greater trials than I’m facing, it helps me put my weeny struggles in a different frame of reference.

Charles

Hardening of the Attitudes

Alexine Hoyle
Alexine Hoyle

For the last couple of years, I’ve spent a good bit of time around senior citizens in a variety of situations. Some of those have been work related and some are personal. A lot of the time has been interacting with relatives and a good portion of the time I’ve spent talking with people I’d only met during that encounter.

A common theme I’ve noticed without exception is that the attitudes people have carried throughout their lives only get set more firmly as they get older. I call it “Hardening of the Attitudes.”

If someone has been a bright, hopeful, giving person in their younger years, they seem to be even more so as seniors. When an individual has a critical, fearful, what’s-in-it-for-me view of life, that too becomes more deeply entrenched.

Everyone has aches, pains and a weakened body as they age, but the positive seniors I’m around only talk about the needs of others and how to help them have a better life. My friend Alexine has a way of making everybody she touches feel great. It’s hard to ever catch her because she’s always on the run, visiting with friends who can’t get out or picking them up for errands or to take them for doctors’ or other appointments. You’ll never hear a word about her troubles or concerns.

On several visits to an assisted living home, I met Dick Chapin. Every time I saw him or spoke with him, he was checking on or serving other people’s needs. When I asked him about it, he attributed his love of other people for keeping him active and in good health.

Conversely, there are others who are so negative, I can’t figure out what keeps them alive besides anger. They draw the life out of anyone who comes into their orbit. My sense is this is not a recent phenomena in their lives, either.

Dick Chapin
Dick Chapin

The life lesson for me is that, if our attitudes get more set as we age then we’d better work on getting them – like concrete – in the framework we want them to be while they’re still malleable. And the best framework I’ve found is the combination of ideas and the company of people I associate with. When I’m immersed in great books and blogs that are idea driven and when I’m in the midst of people who are others-focused, my optimism, hope and energy level are amazingly high.

I hope to have another 25+ years of productive, energetic work telling stories ahead of me. I never want to retire from serving people. To do that well then, I need to be doing that well, now.

Are you waiting to find your passion and hope? Where do you want to be when you “retire?” Do you believe it’ll be any different than where you are now?

Charles

Gift of Giving

Rather than fighting the throngs of folks buying cards and crowding restaurants for Valentine’s Day, Linda and I prefer to fix a great meal and do something special at home. Our most enjoyable treat is to do massage.

For me, the greater pleasure comes from the giving rather than getting. Don’t get me wrong, I like my neck and shoulders to get a good work-over, but I feel happier after I’ve been the giver.

This seems to support the findings in a recent Discover magazine article (you have to pay 99¢ to buy it) that indicates by using fMRI (f stands for functional), scientists are finding that the act of giving lights up more areas of the brain and creates more indications of pleasure than any other activity tested.

When we think of the statement, “It’s better to give than to receive,” we don’t often take it to heart, or in this case, to mind. But it appears that the selfish thing for us to do – for the sake of happiness – is to do more giving and have less concern for getting. The struggle for me is applying this during the workday and business transactions.

When I’m slammed on work commitments and a personal call comes in from a friend needing some time to talk, I want to give of my time. But the struggle comes in knowing that I’m still going to be at my desk when my friend is watching TV or already in bed.

Or when I’m estimating an assignment for a client, I love to be generous with my time and value. But if a buyer doesn’t appreciate the generosity, I find myself grumbling about the lost resources needed to maintain my energy and grow my business. It’s not the client’s fault if I give away my time without adequate remuneration or fail to light up my brain with the joy of giving.

A simple act of giving can be quite complex. It can stem from relatively pure intentions. Or it can be motivated by a poor self-image that uses giving as a means of compensating or as an attempt at “guilting” the receiver into giving us something we want in-kind. Neither of those are gifts. They’re transactions and they don’t light up our brains – or our hearts – in the same manner.

So in what ways do you give? How do you light up your brain’s switchboard?

Charles

The Great Thing about Difficulty

The great thing about difficulty is that it keeps the mediocre from attempting great things

I’ve been working on the details for a class on creativity for business people that’s designed to help them unleash their right-brain thinking for business. I’ve heard it said that the devil is in the details and that God is in the details. It may be a mix of both, but I know every time I’m trying to launch something of significance, the minutia is what eats up my energy.

What keeps me going forward is: 1) if it really is important, then it’s important to see it through; and 2) it’s the difficulty that stops the mediocre people from trying. Most people go for the low-hanging fruit then quit when there’s any obstacle in the way.

I find myself talking with people every week who want to accomplish great things. But not only do they not have a plan, they quit when fate doesn’t just drop success in their laps. I feel as if I’m going to bleed to death some days from the small nicks of a thousand details. But I realize that charging ahead with a will to finish is what the average person lacks.

Is there something of significance that you need to see through to completion? Don’t let the details bleed your heart.

Charles

Putting My Habit Back On

After nearly two months of waiting to get done what I thought would be completed in two weeks, my new blog site is up and ready for posts. Because I expected the switch to take so little time, I quit posting so that the transfer of old posts would not be more complicated. Well… that didn’t go so smoothly and I fell out of the habit of posting.

Why is it that bad habits are so easy to pick up and even the best of habits, those we claim to hold dear to our hearts, are so easy to drop?

If my understanding is correct, the word “habit” comes from the Latin habitus – to have and is related to inhabitare – to dwell. I like understanding a word in way that makes it visual to me.

So, a “habit” is something I put on or dwell within on a regular basis. For good or bad, our habits are where we live and what others see us wearing as part of how we treat ourselves and them.

Much like daily journaling, I enjoy blogging. If I go a couple of days and haven’t posted, I get irritable and anxious. In much the same way I do when I miss exercise or my concentrated reading time. But I’ve also found that the more I miss doing something I love, the easier it is to keep not doing it. Even if I love it.

So in much the same way I swim for my well-being, I write. Although I love to know that something I post resonates with you, I know that I write for my heart and hope that the connection it may make with you will allow for a conversation that helps us both grow deeper.

So after two months of not living in my blog habit, it feels good to put it back on.

Charles