Charles Gupton

Attitude

Mindfully Mindlessly Happy

Not all happiness is bliss. Or thoughtful. Or purposeful.

A lot of what I see defined as happiness in people is really mindlessness. Although that seems harsh, I’m often envious of the ability of some to go along without the nagging questions of purpose and objectives holding forth with each decision on the journey. These questions add weight and limitations.

But carrying these questions are like packing food and water on a hike into the wilderness. Although they create limitations that weigh you down, they also allow the freedom to go deeper into the unknown with confidence while you explore. Mindless “happies” are less burdened but never appear to know the joy that comes with exploring anything with depth.

What I’m looking for, and increasingly giving myself permission to do, is to not have to pursue every endeavor deeply. To allow myself the giddy pleasure of surfing a subject on the surface for no purpose other than the momentary pleasure. It’s like taking a bite out of every dish or dessert on the pot-luck table with no thought of calories consumed or nourishment received. Just allowing myself the pleasure of taking a bit or two from whatever I fancy with no further commitment to the dish. Or the preparer.

The trouble with mindfulness is that it doesn’t have a switch (that I’ve found). The solution I’m working towards — to be oxymoronic — is to practice being mindfully mindless for short periods of time so that my mind can rest. To simply breathe deep and allow myself to be happy without thinking or purpose. Just simply to be. Happy.

Charles

Launch and Learn

The last year or so has been a particularly exciting and, at the same time, particularly scary time.

As I look back, the last ten years or so – since 9/11 – have been an ever-changing mix of scary and exciting for us. When the communications world seemed to stop spinning with assignments, Linda and I took an informal sabbatical from actively chasing communications projects while we were pursuing some other directions for a time, including starting a sustainable farming operation and retreat center.

As we returned to the communications front lines, we were aware that the technology environment had made sweeping changes and that I, especially, would have to climb a steep learning cliff to catch up. There have been more slips and falls than I can count, but I believe I’ve caught up and have been running along quite proficiently for a while now. Until this past year.

After dipping my toes in the waters of multimedia for a couple of years, I decided to take a leap into the deep current and see if I could swim. In my experience, and from numerous conversations with peers, I’d realized that shooting a project in motion is exponentially more challenging than to do so in stills.

With age, I’ve come to realize that I can’t possibly learn all I want to about everything I want to. If I can’t learn it all, I certainly can’t do it all. So I turned over the audio production and the post-editing responsibilities to my assistant while Linda took over the producer’s role, leaving me to concentrate on filming, directing, and client engagement.

When my assistant bailed two days before a critical project, my choked-backed fears of relying on other people shot to the surface and I realized that I couldn’t reliably deliver unless I could handle every aspect of my productions as insurance against being caught unprepared on location. Although panic-induced adrenaline became my elixir for the week, it was the jolt I needed to get me up to speed in short order.

The excitement came when I realized that I had the foundational skills to start really building a new career direction. I also knew enough to make better hiring decisions about who I need and what skills are necessary when I call in support crew on a particular project.

My greatest “ah-ha” has been to re-discover that launching new projects with the focus on deep-learning of new skills is the best way to grow both knowledge and passion. Every project I initiate has at least one or two high bars that I hope to clear with perfect form and agile grace. And with every project, I fall short of my perfection.

My human propensity is to build my confidence first by gathering knowledge before venturing forth on any endeavor. But what I’ve learned, and will continue to learn, is that the most important thing I will always do is launch, fail, learn, repeat. The best knowledge comes in the doing.

Charles

Examine Your Personal Story at Work

We all carry our personal baggage to work.

Everything we do and every decision we make is based on an emotional load we’re carrying around. You may not see your baggage — or realize the weight others are carrying — but it’s there.

Over the last few years, I’ve come to a huge understanding. When it occurred to me, I thought of it as a “duh, of course!” moment. But I soon realized it held much larger implications for me and the people I work with.

If you have trouble managing money at home? Expect it to show up in your business. Have difficulty trusting men in your personal affairs? It’s going to surface in the office. Struggle with setting boundaries with family members? See if those same issues are popping up in meetings at work.

That insight has caused me to look at the conversations I have with others and even their social media posts as important indicators of what to be aware of in business settings where that person is involved.

During a discussion last year with the founder of an investment firm about photographs for their marketing materials, he insisted on a transfer of copyright. With a little poking around, I discovered he held a number of beliefs about not trusting other people and the need to maintain absolute control over others. Not a person I wanted to make a business investment with.

I’ve also realized that people who quickly bring up their lack of budget and/or spend a lot of effort to beat suppliers down on price usually have low self esteem and are usually under-earners who don’t feel valued themselves.

I believe it’s impossible to consistently make and live with business decisions that are outside of one’s personal values and beliefs. When people are abundant in their personal outlooks, it will surface in in all their decisions. If, on the other hand, fear and scarcity rule their thoughts, no professional veneer will shift their business behavior.

And what’s true for others is true for you as well.

Charles

How Happy is Your Story?

The starting point for happiness is a decision. Abe Lincoln is quoted as saying, “A man is about as happy as he makes up his mind to be.”

When I catch myself dwelling on situations in our lives that are stressful — situations that I can do very little, if anything, about — my attitude and spirit tend to plummet. That’s not surprising. What is surprising, if not alarming, is that I understand that I am making the choice to dwell on something that is outside of my control. As a result, I’m making the choice to allow my spirit to flag. These are not outside influences. It is internal, In my own mind.

I know through established research and my own experience that choosing to focus on situations that are within my influence, if not my control, is a path of far more contentment.

So much of our story, both personal and business, is shaped by the stories we create in our minds. When the stories are stressful, our lives appear to us as spinning out of control. When we focus on situations that are in our influence and take the necessary actions to affect them, I find that we are far more content and happy.

The decision has been to either allow the loop of fear to run or to stop it and start playing the loop of possibility and hope. Either way, I’m about as happy as I’ve decided I want to be.

And you?

Charles

A Happiness Built on Joy

I work under the illusion every day that I can accomplish more than I can. One benefit is that I actually get a fair number of things done over time. A downside is that I’m seldom satisfied with what I did get done, often focusing my discontent on the remaining items from the list which didn’t get completed. But hope frequently deceives me into believing that the next day will be different than all those that have come before.

Although constant driving and striving lead to many tasks getting done, the overall tenor of the journey is seldom happiness. I wrote one morning a few months back that I want my life to be one of “chronic joy” with bouts of “acute happiness.”

That simple revelation has caused me to focus on my consistent state of mind and question how the activities and people I engage with affect my state of mind during and after my involvement with them. Is my mindset one of joyful abundance or fear and security?

The difference between joy and happiness is that I see joy as being about my state of mind while happiness tends to be affected by the circumstances I’m in or believe I’m in.

Happiness is built on a foundation of joy. Not the other way around. I can be joyful even when I’m not pleased with the circumstances that surround me. But I can never be happy with my circumstances when my heart and mind are focused on scarcity.

The interesting revelation for me is that my joy is more constant or “chronic” when I allow myself time in each day for the abundance which comes from overall balance in my day. Joy doesn’t come from how many items got checked off my list but whether the overall approach was balanced with healthy, important activities. A mindful approach to quality vs. quantity of things done.

Charles