Charles Gupton

Attitude

Are You Seeking Approval or Growth?

At the end of a recent business meeting, the facilitator immediately began asking the participants for an evaluation of her efforts. How was the structure? Pacing? Content? All of her questions were driving for a quick summation of “How did I do?”

When a positive response – “You were great!” – was offered, she beamed and gave a quick account of her efforts in planning the details. Several people also offered a suggestion for some improvement, but were cut off with a defensive argument about why their idea wouldn’t work.

While her requests were posed as a search for objective feedback, she appeared to be looking only for approval. Nothing wrong with that. We all can use a confidence boost when we’ve pushed our comfort boundaries.

The risk lies in confusing bon mots with information we need to make our efforts better. Although we need both, the key lies in separating the two by asking different questions. And then listening – without defense – to the answers. Asking questions such as the following could give better insights to help you offer better value and ensure you’ll be asked to come back again.

What aspects of the presentation created value for you? Why?
What are some areas for improvement and how?
Who would you recommend to hear this presentation and why?

By distinguishing between where you are now with where you desire to be, you can use the positive qualities you already posses to contribute to the place you’re capable of growing to.

Charles

 

Using Your Potential

My personal mission in life is “to optimize the value of people’s lives by encouraging them to reach their potential.”

About fifteen to twenty years ago, there were several waves of books and articles stressing the importance of having a personal mission statement and, if possible, aligning it with one’s business culture as well.

Although the fad passed, I’ve revisited and tweaked mine through the years and continue to find that the core thread has remained consistent.

The primary value of writing out my life’s core purpose many years ago was that, when I used it, everything I did could be measured against it and I could see that my most fulfilling relationships – personal and business – came out of serving others‘ potential.

Whenever a potential client contacts me, I always ask, as part of my discovery process, “How do you see my work with you forwarding your goals and helping your company reach its potential?” It helps me stay focused on and align my work with what my clients’ need.

But I’ve also come to realize that I get terribly frustrated, and unfortunately very irritated, with individuals and businesses who refuse to use their abilities and potential, but instead remain static and scared to move forward. I see it way too often.

Whatever the excuse – too young, too old, too little time, too little money, under qualified, over qualified – the underlying cause is always fear. It sounds overly simplistic to say, but you have to take the risk and move out in some small way, anyway.

Waiting until the landscape changes could create an easier journey but it could create more obstacles as well. And even if conditions do improve, there are steps that can be taken now that will make it even easier down the road.

Waiting until the election is over, until we get past the holidays, after the New Year, when it gets a little warmer, or any other fear-based excuse will not make it any better. You’re just wasting your great potential to make a difference and a better life for yourself. Today.

Charles

Reading Pleasure Back into My Life

I’ve stumbled back into the arms of an old love.

Growing up, I loved to read biographies. I’d check out a short stack of books every week or two from the library and consume them rather than doing my school work. I’m not sure whether my passion was fueled by the pleasure of traveling through the lives of historical figures or by my rebellion against studying what my teachers assigned, but I flat tore through ‘em.

However, one unfortunate morning I was caught with a library book cradled inside of the science book which I was supposed to be reading instead. My sixth-grade teacher stood me up in front of the class and dressed me down for wasting my time reading library books instead of my science, math, and other school books that would help me advance in grades. Rather than turn my attention towards school books, out of embarrassment and emotional trauma I virtually stopped reading altogether.

Although I came back to reading, I was well into my adult years before I started reading for pleasure again. Most of my book time was spent acquiring business knowledge or developing my craft. I still harbor feelings of illicit pursuits when I pick up a book simply for the pleasure it might deliver. But what I’ve continued to re-discover is that time spent in pleasure reading brings no shortage of practical return.

As I’ve returned to biographies for the sake of pleasure, I continually find that the qualities and lessons of great leadership are timeless. I’m also reminded that the qualities of fear, insecurity, self-serving pettiness, and ignorance often lead to great waste of financial, but more importantly human, capital. Although it may be difficult to replace lost money, it’s not nearly as challenging as rebuilding after spurned, burned, or broken relationships have occurred.

With Linda’s encouragement, I’m increasingly adding back the pleasures that round out my life. While my growth as a business person is still important, I also strive for balance in the nuances of being human.

Charles

 

Cultivating for Growth

“Everybody thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself.” ~ Leo Tolstoy

In my last post, I pointed to some thoughtful comments from a Facebook friend about cultivating a life done well. Along the way I have observed that the cultivation process can be a lonely pursuit, as well.

A lot of people talk about growing and changing, but not many are willing to suffer the discomfort of doing so. Most people are more comfortable if those around them stay just like them rather than joining in on the journey of growth. The process of growing often requires developing new friendships to replace the ones left behind as one grows.

Just as it does for plants, cultivating the “soil” of our minds allows for new ideas to grow in a better environment.

The pain of challenging one’s paradigm gets more intense as one ages. The older you become, the deeper your roots are within your support community. The more entrenched your roots, the more painful is the process of uprooting your beliefs — both for you and those around you. It’s easier and less disturbing for all if we stay “planted” in our mindset.

The more deeply I care for someone, the harder I press them to examine their own paradigm and grow. My reasons may be as much selfish as they are altruistic. If I love them, I don’t want to lose them. But I’m more afraid of growing old and stagnant than I am of not being able to develop new relationships that allow for the evolution of ideas and the actions those ideas require.

I want the story of my life to be active and constantly amended. The process of cultivation — of the soil and one’s mind — is digging up and loosening what’s there so that new growth and a rich harvest can occur.

What’s your take?

Charles

Sifting for Gold

I don’t come to social media looking for emotional uplift. If I’m not already “up,” I generally don’t get on the Internet at all. Most of what I scan seems to run the gamut from saccharin to cynical.

I’ve started unsubscribing from those who mainly spout their angry political screeds, but I’ve found that a lot of the positive messaging gets annoying as well because so much of it is canned rather than personal reflection.

My approach to social media is akin to panning for gold — I know I’m gonna sift a lot of silt to find my flakes of gold. But when I find it, it sparkles.

My Facebook friend Ariel had a post recently that sparkled with thoughtful reflection. The start of her list for “doing life well” is “challenging and reforming one’s beliefs,” the pursuit of which can be very rewarding, I believe. The challenge is to do a little bit of it every day.

We live our lives not just as individuals but also as a reflection of those with whom we associate and the times we live in. And we are not living in times of great self-reflection. Although there are countless ways to seek self-help from “experts,” even that phenomenon is indicative of the lack of discipline to look inward. More often than not, the values I hear most people espouse are those they’ve gathered from the media and their friends. It’s group-think at best.

The gold flakes of self-cultivation and thought that I encounter are truly an encouragement. They cause me to stop in the moment and reflect, “Are the  tasks that I’m engaged in at this time a reflection of the values I espouse or am I working at achieving someone else’s?”

Charles