Charles Gupton

Attitude

Attitude Makes the Difference

Attitude is not always everything. But it sure makes a world of difference.

I attended the wedding of a special friend this weekend. I don’t know that I’ve ever witnessed a couple that looked anymore delighted at the prospect of having their lives and hearts joined in marriage.

A first kiss with "attitude".

As a photographer, what was of particular interest to me was watching the official photographer work and interact with the wedding party, family, and guests. I ‘d brought a camera with me but had left it in the car so that I could focus my entire attention on the occasion and not be caught up in the imagery from it. It’s a difficult habit to break. After watching the glow on Alex’s face when the church doors opened and he focused everything in his being on his bride-to-be, I couldn’t resist running back to the car for my camera.

Although I don’t label myself a wedding photographer, I’ve shot a lot of weddings. As a result, I am very sensitive to where I position myself so that I’m not in the way of anyone who is at a wedding in an official capacity. So I was a little dismayed when the photographer approached me in the corner of the balcony and told me that he was the “official” photographer and that I was in the way of him carrying out his assignment. Mind you, the balcony could have held fifteen photographers standing abreast but, biting my tongue, I stepped back and offered him my spot. He stepped in front of me, shot one photo then turned and headed down the stairs. On the way down, he slammed his head into an overhang. He later told me it was my fault that he’d hit his head.

A few minutes later I was at the back of the church to get a shot of the couple as they turned to leave. Again the photographer came over to remind me that he was the “official” photographer and that I was again in his way. He stepped in front of me, shot one photo and marched up the middle aisle to the front of the church. I went back upstairs to be out of the way and get a better angle. When the couple did turn, he was completely out of position at the front of the church and had to dash to the back of the church.

Sometime later, near the end of the “official” family photos, the groom’s family approached me about shooting some family photos of them. The photographer had refused to shoot them because they were not on the “official” list. Although it felt a little awkward, I was glad to help them. I understand the pain of missing those important family images. Our “official” photographer marked his calendar incorrectly and was a no-show at our wedding.

Alisane and Alex Ferguson

As a result, our wedding photos are cobbled together from photos taken by other photographer friends who were in attendance. As a result, capturing all of the desired images from a special occasion is dear to my heart.

When I cover an event these days I try to always have one or two additional photographers with me. I can’t think of everything, be in every spot,  nor be assured no technical glitches will ever occur. And when shooting a single image on a project, I’m delighted to get input from anyone who sees a better possibility before us. I value abundance of involvement.

I relate this weekend’s experience, not to beat up on an industry peer, but to capture an example of scarcity attitude. Including his snappish comments directed at other guests, everything the photographer did seemed to have come from a place of deep-down anxiety and fear. Fear of not being seen as competent as well as someone else appearing to be more so.  I know this fear. Sadly, I’ve embraced it as well. I believe we all have at some point.

Acknowledging that we’re holding on to fear is no excuse for not finding a means of letting it go. Fear does not serve us and it stands in the way of us serving others as well. This applies to all relationships, business and personal.

Having an attitude of abundance and possibility may not be everything, but it sure goes a long way towards enjoying the process. And making it more enjoyable for others around us.

Your thoughts?

Charles

Judging Others by a Better Standard

I have a business colleague who judges everyone else according to his own strengths. When people don’t measure up to his standard of strengths, they are dismissed as inadequate and unworthy of his business respect. Since his particular strengths are in the area of technology, I often fall short, in his view,  of being the full measure of the man I should be.

After feeling the sting of this judgment a few times, I found myself getting fairly irritated in his company on every occasion. I found myself going into each encounter with a ready quip or two prepared to put him on the defensive by pointing out some of the shortcomings he might be overlooking. However, in a moment of clarity I realized, I am him; I have been that kind of person too. And is my heart of hearts, I still am.

I my heart, I have harshly judged people for how they choose to eat, spend their money, and spend their time. On many of those occasions, I have made comments that reflected my judgments in a way that stressed the relationship. Enough of those stress fractures and the relationship will be damaged beyond repair.

I’m not saying that we should not exercise our judgment – there’s far too little good judgment being used. What I am suggesting is that we decide how our particular insights can be of value rather than be demeaning.

I don’t believe that because I’ve not utilized technology to push my LinkedIn connections to 500+ makes me an unthoughtful person. Or that my phone, laptop and desktop are not perfectly synced with identical folders and using automatic smart-mailbox routing so that I have every contact’s complete information at my fingertips at all times is the strongest indication that I don’t care about other people.

I desperately need to make improvements in all areas of life involving technology. I have a lot of improvements to make in other areas as well. What I need is guidance. And encouragement. And support.

But derision causes defensiveness to rise up. Emotional barriers get built. Connection is lost, perhaps permanently.

Again, discernment is a very good and important quality to possess. What is even more important though is the end to which it’s used.

When we discover a weakness in a colleague or friend, do we merely point it out or possibly exploit it? Or do we use the knowledge as a means of building a bridge or a connection? As a means of building that person up?

By being more supportive of others growth, is it possible that we might become more open to others supporting our growth as well?

Charles

Defining the Depth of “Friend”

There are many ideas and concepts that need more descriptive English words than we often have at the tip of our tongues to describe them properly. “Friend” is one of them.

Avery and me after putting insulation under the house.

As I was finishing up with the small talk during a business event recently, I was asked, “Got big plans for the weekend?” I hesitated then said, “With the help of a friend, I’m putting insulation in the crawl space under our house along with support jacks to stabilize the floors. I guess you could call those big plans.”  The response came back in a flash, “Good luck with that. Any friends I know would bail as soon as they saw the work was hard.”

True dat. I’ve had a number of house and farm projects through the years see the quick exit of a buddy or even a paid worker who realized the work involved was, well, work.

People make casual offers more frequently then they should, agreeing to help folks in their circle of acquaintances with projects that are frustrating their ‘friends’ with details beyond their capabilities. What are often sold as little projects by a person in need become massive in the eyes of the ‘savior,’ and the ‘savior’ then bails out, leaving the ‘needy’ person frustrated and possibly with hurt feelings or even a broken friendship.

Having been on both sides of the needy/savior divide on numerous occasions, I understand the power and importance of follow-through on really helping someone and maintaining the integrity of the relationship. I am also no less than amazed when someone sticks with a project to see it through.

The past year, I’ve taken on a couple of major projects only because I had the help and commitment of my friend Avery to see them through. Early on, I kept expecting him to not show up for the next round of work, but every time he did. Even though the work is always difficult, dirty and exhausting.

Even though I am loyal, hardworking, and willing to finish anything I start,  Avery consistently keeps the bar high for what I expect those standards to be now. He goes beyond what anyone I know is willing to do to finish a job well.

Avery on a jackhammer, digging a fence post hole.

Most people I encounter enjoy being with people who don’t challenge their growth,  level of commitment, or expectations of quality of service. This goes for their business and personal lives as well.

I can’t say it’s comfortable but it is desirable for me to keep raising the bar of excellence. Associating with people who display their commitment to excellence in service through action rather than empty talk raises my game as well as my stake in the game. They check my complacency and make me a better person.

And isn’t that a real definition of a friend?

Charles

Thoughtful Impact or the Status Quo?

I had an unusually wonderful meeting with the Director of Development of a non-profit this week. The meeting was set up to discuss photography coverage for a fund-raising event this fall, but instead evolved into a broader discussion of how we could work towards incorporating photographs into their overall branding and communications efforts.

My desire is to do more than simply shoot pictures. I want to use imagery to create awareness, communicate stories, and capture emotions. I want to inspire imagination.

Most of the people I talk with seem to be satisfied – no, compelled – to stick with the status quo. Although it’s seldom spoken, the question that seems to hang in the air is “How can we just get it done for the least amount of effort, for the lowest possible cost?”

Increasingly, I’m finding that the lowest expenditure brings the lowest impact. Sometimes (but not always), a little more effort and money can bring an amazing return on investment. But the major difference is in the planning and thought given to the outcome desired and how the work fits into an overall strategy. By asking in advance, “What is the impact we ultimately want to have and will this use of our resources bring us closer to achieving that goal?,” we can use what seem to be very limited resources to produce a far greater outcome than we could have imagined.

I believe the same is true for individuals as it is for organizations.

I have a buddy who has amazing talents. Amazing. But he uses most of his time and energy under-utilizing his gifts. In his case, the expenditure is not of money, but of heart — a willingness to allow passion to be publicly invested. By relying on the status quo in thinking about how people should serve and help others with one’s talents, his impact is far less than it could and should be. It’s not that he’s having no impact. It’s just that using the same time, with greater thoughtfulness and focus, could lead to a greater outcome, in my observation.

Is there an area where you can be making a greater difference by being more thoughtful and proactive? Is the status quo around you compromising your heart and ability to serve?

Charles

Confusing Work With ‘The Work’

When Linda and I took a sabbatical from our communications work several years ago and ventured into organic farming, I spent an inordinate amount of time doing the work of laying irrigation, preparing the soil, fencing pastures, and other necessary tasks to allow us to produce the various crops and products we ate and sold.

But over time, we found that the most important work that we did was not the growing of food, but the growing of the relationships with our customers. The points of contact where we were engaged with the people most affected by our efforts – whether it was delivering produce or attending a farmers’ market meeting – did more to deepen the relationships and fuel our hearts than anything else we did.

We came to understand that it’s not just about work, but “The Work.”

As I was sitting in a recent peer advisory meeting where we were discussing the metrics that were most critical for each of our businesses to succeed, I had a profound revelation. I had been setting the number of client and potential-client meetings that I was having as the most important metric to count. After all, no business can have sales without customers.

The revelation was that I was not establishing any metrics for nourishing my creative heart. I was counting meetings as having the most value in my life, but not anything connected to producing my art. It was truly an ‘A-ha!’ moment.

As soon as I started writing down the  “The Work” my heart wanted to achieve, the other work I needed to get accomplished seemed to be so much more approachable and less burdensome to consider. Just as I’m far more inclined to enjoy any work I do when I’m physically rested and fed, my heart is far more engaged when it’s rested and fed.

From the moment my heart got attention, everything else I did was energized. I’ve been told a number of times in the last several weeks that I walk into a room with a renewed energy, and every meeting I’ve been involved with has more new possibilities than before. I don’t believe the situations have changed, but my view of them has.

My current metrics now include accountable projects for both my heart and head, and my heart is enjoying the process of being included in the census.

What about you? Are your feeding “The Work” that feeds your heart or is the work consuming your life?

Charles