Charles Gupton

Attitude

Maintaining Focus Through Community

People need a sense of connection and belonging as much, if not more, than we possibly ever have. Yet, it seems that most of what we engage in each day is driving us further apart.

I had a series of phone calls this week to touch base with each of the participants in a Mastermind group I’m currently facilitating. Our conversations around important matters of life and getting work done in the process of so many distractions and obstacles were incredibly encouraging to me because we dove straight into weighty issues.

One of the matters that surfaced several times was the struggle of doing important but often tedious work in seeming isolation. Many have the sense – fed by their social media diet – that everyone else is cruising along in their work without constant speed bumps and huge potholes in their journey.

But everyone who is doing important work has their daily obstacles. We just can’t see them.

Often, just knowing you’re not alone in the struggle can make a huge difference in having the energy to go back into your personal odyssey and do the hard, focused work you need to do.

Getting out of your head and getting connected in healthy ways – outside of social media – can have a huge impact on your health as well as work. Feeling isolated causes your body to increase tissue inflammation and suppresses your body’s autoimmune response to disease, impacting your health in worse ways than being an alcoholic, a smoker, or obese.

Unfortunately, the news cycles and social media feeds around us are designed to feed anxiety. They create such constant noise that removing ourselves from it for the quiet we need to be productive can seem even more isolating. But ironically, it is the quiet and distancing ourselves from the distractions that returns us to a sense of connection – with ourselves and others.

Having found that social media can drain my energy and wound my hope, I’ve taken FB off my phone and am intentionally increasing the number of personal interactions with people who are hopeful and encouraging.

How are you moving yourself into a place of more optimism and productivity?

Driving a Stake of Commitment

It was thirty-six years ago today.

I stood, looking past the friends and family members who had gathered to witness the occasion, watching as my closest friend proceeded down the aisle towards me. Having barely a clue about what we were committing to during that wedding ceremony, we walked out of that church with the mindset of being one.

Linda and I were not close to being prepared for the difficulties that lay before us. I’m not sure one can be. But because we saw ourselves working as one unit – together from the start – on everything, we were able to face each trial as a challenge to grow and an opportunity to become stronger.

Even when we almost divorced around our five-year mark, we sat down and made a decision to double down on our focus to work together, in hopes of renewing the spark of shared purpose that we’d allowed ourselves to drift away from.

The decisions we made during that particular crossroads saved us many more times through the years because we had experienced the consequences of neglecting the seemingly insignificant acts of care that nourish a relationship, regardless of outside forces that may seek to tear it apart.

Difficulty can be a wedge that drives you apart — or the glue that binds you tighter. I believe it’s a decision that is made together.

The second half of our marriage has produced a glut of potential landmines we’ve navigated our way through including being foster parents, buying a farm, starting a farming business, surviving the destruction of the stock photography industry and our primary business focus, caring for aging relatives, the implosion of a church family dear to us, our own personal financial collapse, going through multiple re-configurations and re-builds of our businesses, surviving four rancorous years of fighting through two nasty lawsuits surrounding a family member’s estate, and Linda’s near death and brush with cancer.

But as we’ve turned the pages from most of those chapters, we’ve found ourselves closer and stronger because of the trials.

The lessons I’ve learned through the commitments we’ve made and have fought hard to keep have found their way into my relationships with business clients and friends. Although I don’t like conflict any more than next guy, I’ve come to realize that commitment stakes its ground in the midst of conflict.

I don’t believe in setting ‘take-it-or-leave-it’ ultimatums. My decision on whether I move forward in any venture is based on how committed the other person in the relationship is to working together so that a stronger bond is formed. In my experience, a ‘my-way-or-the-highway’ threat is going to end badly at some point. I’d just as soon end it early.

When we drive our stake in the ground and say that we value another person – stress, challenge, difficulty and all — over and beyond our own comfort, and then make the decision to face challenges together, we can have a powerful impact on the world around us.

I credit whatever impact I’ve had to the lessons I’ve learned through the journey I’ve shared with my wife and beloved partner, Linda. Words cannot express how thankful I am for her patience and perseverance with a man who does not merit the depth of grace and kindness she offers me daily.

What stakes have you driven and what have you learned from them?

~ Charles

 

 

Pause for Pregnant Thoughts – 3/3

This is the third of three summaries of the take-away thoughts I brought with me from our recent trip to the World Domination Summit (#WDA2015) in Portland OR. The excitement and follow through from the participants is amazing to me. If you want to read more from participants from other participants, I’ll have a list in tomorrow’s post.

WDS2015_DerekSivers_web
Derek Sivers rousing the crowd to quit doing what’s not working.

Derek Sivers (@sivers) on pursuing freedom:

  • Because most people don’t know why they’re doing what they’re doing, they settle for imitating others and going with their flow instead of establishing their own vision.
  • Commit to the problem you want to solve, not the outcome you want.
  • Spend more time learning and understanding and less time preaching.

Asha Dornfest (@ashadornfest) on how to be a grown up:

  • Embrace course corrections. Often when your plans fail, you feel as if you’ve failed. That’s not true. Correct your course and keep moving.
  • Some people just seem to be able to flip the ‘Epic’ switch and huge success comes their way. Usually success comes through a million small, consistent baby steps that are not seen by others. What the public sees is the ‘win’, not stumbling process of getting there.
  • Self-confidence grows every time you keep a promise to yourself.

Lissa Rankin (@Lissarankin) on seeking your calling:

Screen capture from Lissa Rankin.
Screen capture from Lissa Rankin.
  • Give life permission to break your heart.
  • Can you make peace with what’s true?
  • Develop “Prononia”, the belief that the universe is conspiring to back your desires.

 

 

Jeremy Cowart (@jeremycowart)

  • I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
WDS_JiaJiang_web
Jia Jiang talking with Heath Padgett during a break in the Rejection Therapy academy.

 

Jia Jiang (@JiaJiang) on developing a personal rejection therapy:

  • Developing a comfort with rejection is like martial arts for your mind.
  • You have no control over whether someone says ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to a request. But you do have control over how you present yourself and your request. Focus on what you can control.
  • Decide on the number of rejections – a ‘no’ list – that you’re willing to overcome before quitting that particular endeavor and moving on. By picking a particular number – say 25, for instance – you can make the process sort of a game, knowing that you have to reach that number before quitting. Most people find success way before they reach their limit.

 

 

Pause for Pregnant Thoughts – 2/3

Last week I posted the first of three summaries from our recent trip to the World Domination Summit (#WDS2015) in Portland OR. I’ve been to numerous conferences but the energy and engagement at WDS is indescribable.

Following is my summary of five more of the presenters I learned from…

WDS2015_JonAcuff_web
“View people as people and NOT a platform.” – Jon Acuff

Jon Acuff (@JonAcuff) on finding your voice:

  • Are you willing to face the fear of today to avoid the regret of forever? Regret has a much longer shelf life than fear.
  • Once you see people as only your platform, eventually you’ll only view them as something to stand on.
  • Trying to get everyone to like you is the quickest way to hate yourself.
  • Your voice is never really lost. It’s just waiting for you to come find it.

Kid President (aka Robbie Novak) (@iamkidpresident) on making the world a better place:

  • Don’t hide your magic!
  • Don’t just share content, share opportunities.
  • Always look for the awesome.

Racheal O’Meara (@romeara1) on the importance of taking ‘pauses’ in your life:

  • Recognize a ‘pause’ as being any intentional shift in your behavior.
  • What three things could you shift to incorporate more quiet reflection into your life? More ‘being’ and less ‘doing’?
WDS2015_MeganDevine_web
Screen capture from Megan Devine

Megan Devine (@refugeingrief) on having patience with others’ pain:

  • When people can’t trust you with their pain and suffering, they can’t fully trust you with their love and joy.
  • Become aware of your impulse to jump in and help solve others’ problems, to try to make things better.
  • Don’t try to ‘fix’ people or their struggles. Instead, learn how to be patient and simply be with them in their pain.

 

Lewis Howes (@LewisHowes) on becoming great:

  • Although most people desire to be great, most of them don’t believe they’re good enough to do so.
  • Men put their primary focus on becoming the “King of Diamonds” (money), when they need to focus more attention on being the “King of Hearts” (emotions).

 

 

Pause for Pregnant Thoughts – 1/3

I am a self-proclaimed knowledge whore. I call myself a ‘know ho’ for short.

I am willing to spread my mind open for almost any idea in an act of consensual learning. I understand it’s risky. My mind could easily become impregnated with new ideas and possibly a whole new way of thinking.

WDS2015_JonFields2_web_2474
Jonathan Fields on “The Art of Becoming Known”

And because ideas impact behaviors, it’s quite likely I’ll start going through life acting differently. I don’t just wait for them to come in the form of books arriving on my doorstep or through the internet. I am, with some frequency, working the people in the aisles or coming off-stage of various conferences looking for their ideas to imbed in my mind. This can cause some people to be quite uncomfortable because I am, in their view, a bit too old to carry on with unknown ideas in such a promiscuous manner.

But alas, for the second year in a row, I have just returned from the World Domination Summit (#WDS2015) in Portland OR where I have laid myself open to the insemination of deep thinking from a number of penetrating thinkers.

Following is the first of three posts with a sample from the many keynote presentations, academies, and meet-up sessions of some of the climactic offerings in my own interpretation:

Sean Ogle (@seanogle) on becoming a location rebel:

  • Uncertainty is the world’s only fear and most people are willing to choose unhappiness over the discomfort of uncertainty.
  • If you don’t know what your goals and desires look like, how are you going to pursue them?
  • If you’re not happy, how are you going to help someone else achieve happiness?
  • How are you going to make the next 10 years look different than the last 10 years?
Jonathan Fields on "The Art of Becoming Known"
Jonathan Fields – “How are you not just different but better?”

Jonathan Fields (@jonathanfields) on the art of becoming known:

  • People are going to label you in some way that makes sense to them because people are pattern recognition machines. Although they will never capture the total embodiment of your being, you can impact what they think of when they think of you by your positioning of what you do in a way that resonates with them.
  • Can you articulate why people should choose you – or your offering – instead of others? How are you not just different, but better?
  • What lights you up more, the process of making things or serving others?

Marsha Shandur (@YesYesMarsha) on the effectiveness of better storytelling.

  • When you tell a strong visual story, you’re creating a mini-movie in your listeners’ heads.
  • Learn to speak in your own voice. If you wouldn’t say something to a friend across the table, don’t say it that way in front of a group.
  • Translate your emotions – the way something makes you feel – rather than the actual facts when you tell a story.
WDS2015_VaniHari_web
Vani Hari – “Don’t focus on the haters!”

Vani Hari (@thefoodbabe) on dealing with obstacles:

  • There is something bigger than you in what you’re doing.
  • If you’re doing anything worthwhile, you’re going to have ‘haters’. Having haters is evidence of having success.