Charles Gupton

Charles Gupton

Do You Matter?

Do you matter?

It’s a question I’ve been pondering of late as I think about the value we bring to those around us. What makes any one of us matter to other people? The value we have is basically measured in what we do for other people. We are all either adding to or subtracting value from our environment. Either can be positive or negative.

Take social media as an example. Most of what’s added is noise. Most of the posts on Facebook and Twitter could be eliminated and no one would miss them. No one. Subtraction would be a good thing in that case. But adding value by pointing people to thoughtful content instead of thoughtless blather could make a significant difference in our “friends” lives.

In a business environment, most of what matters happens in the context of transaction. If I give you enough of what you want in exchange for what I want (without the elements of mistrust or uncertainty), then we may matter enough to each other to continue to trade so that our wants are consistently met. To matter to each other on a deeper level of relationship, we must meet deeper emotional needs. We must give more than the transaction demands – an investment that goes beyond what our “contract” requires.

Marriage is a good example of a relationship that many people treat as a transaction – “If I do this for you or give you that, what do I get in return?”.

Because most people are not willing to invest any more than the minimum required of them to meet their obligations, they don’t really matter to most of the people around them. They’re not irreplaceable. They have commodity relationships. There is an emptiness in their lives and they know it. They’re just not willing to make the investment of heart to make enough of a difference in order to matter.

Charles

How safe is no risk?

It is somewhat amazing to observe just how safe most people attempt to keep their lives. And how safety appears to be more important than anything else to them. Even though there is a great need in humans to grow, the “need” or desire to maintain safety seems to be greater.

Our economy and our times require that people grow and adapt. Everything is moving at an incredible pace and people are afraid. I understand that.

I also realize that we can’t afford to remain static.

As I meet people one-on-one and in larger groups, I often feel more energy is focused on pushing back against change rather than accepting the need to incorporate change into our comfort zones.

Trying new approaches as a means of challenging our existing patterns feels very risky as we’re doing it. We often get very little support or encouragement in the early stages of a new venture. But the greatest risk we face is not the risk itself. It’s avoiding the risk.

Charles Gupton

Controlling Your Controllables.

The social time we had together as friends around the table could have been enjoyable, energizing, and encouraging. Within moments, however, anxiety and enervation had their grip on the discussion. The conversation had shifted from sharing good news and victories to national politics and the economy.

I believe the mood took a U-turn for a couple of reasons. One, the conversation had swung from positive thinking to negative. But the greater reason for the shift, I believe, is that the discussion veered from things we have a great deal of control over to areas in which we have no control. And people already feel too out of control in their lives.

One of the most powerful concepts I’ve retained from reading Stephen Covey’s “First Things First”, is the need to concentrate our resources within our spheres of influence. When people concentrate their thoughts and energy outside of the areas in which they have some degree of influence, their impact is negated. Yet we often expend our energy on areas which return no value for us or others.

Talking and worrying about the economy has no impact on it’s improvement. Conscientiously buying from local merchants with whom you establish a relationship can have a huge impact on their business and yours.

Debate about President Obama’s term in office will have no positive change on his effectiveness, no matter which side of the discussion is “right”. However, becoming informed about local issues and supporting local candidates that are working to change the political status quo can create are far deeper impact for one’s time invested.

But it’s not just the issues “out there” that I see capturing people’s attention. I’m frequently around intelligent, well educated business people who are still complaining about their particular industry sector and business. When I ask what they’re doing to create a change, they’re often doing what they’ve always done – waiting for conditions to change. And they’re spending most of their resources – energy and money – on areas outside of their circles of greatest influence.

There is no revision of their business plan. No strategy. No commitment to marketing. No networking with the people they already know who are willing to do business with them. Nada. Except for complaining about how things “out there” need to be better. Ain’t likely to happen.

Most folks don’t really want to work for a change to occur. They like the comfort of status quo. That’s why they burn their resources outside of the circles of influence that are closest to them rather than heat up the opportunities within their reach.

How about you? Are you concentrating your effort on the relationships that could have the greatest impact on changing your world for the better?

Charles

Attitude Makes the Difference

Attitude is not always everything. But it sure makes a world of difference.

I attended the wedding of a special friend this weekend. I don’t know that I’ve ever witnessed a couple that looked anymore delighted at the prospect of having their lives and hearts joined in marriage.

A first kiss with "attitude".

As a photographer, what was of particular interest to me was watching the official photographer work and interact with the wedding party, family, and guests. I ‘d brought a camera with me but had left it in the car so that I could focus my entire attention on the occasion and not be caught up in the imagery from it. It’s a difficult habit to break. After watching the glow on Alex’s face when the church doors opened and he focused everything in his being on his bride-to-be, I couldn’t resist running back to the car for my camera.

Although I don’t label myself a wedding photographer, I’ve shot a lot of weddings. As a result, I am very sensitive to where I position myself so that I’m not in the way of anyone who is at a wedding in an official capacity. So I was a little dismayed when the photographer approached me in the corner of the balcony and told me that he was the “official” photographer and that I was in the way of him carrying out his assignment. Mind you, the balcony could have held fifteen photographers standing abreast but, biting my tongue, I stepped back and offered him my spot. He stepped in front of me, shot one photo then turned and headed down the stairs. On the way down, he slammed his head into an overhang. He later told me it was my fault that he’d hit his head.

A few minutes later I was at the back of the church to get a shot of the couple as they turned to leave. Again the photographer came over to remind me that he was the “official” photographer and that I was again in his way. He stepped in front of me, shot one photo and marched up the middle aisle to the front of the church. I went back upstairs to be out of the way and get a better angle. When the couple did turn, he was completely out of position at the front of the church and had to dash to the back of the church.

Sometime later, near the end of the “official” family photos, the groom’s family approached me about shooting some family photos of them. The photographer had refused to shoot them because they were not on the “official” list. Although it felt a little awkward, I was glad to help them. I understand the pain of missing those important family images. Our “official” photographer marked his calendar incorrectly and was a no-show at our wedding.

Alisane and Alex Ferguson

As a result, our wedding photos are cobbled together from photos taken by other photographer friends who were in attendance. As a result, capturing all of the desired images from a special occasion is dear to my heart.

When I cover an event these days I try to always have one or two additional photographers with me. I can’t think of everything, be in every spot,  nor be assured no technical glitches will ever occur. And when shooting a single image on a project, I’m delighted to get input from anyone who sees a better possibility before us. I value abundance of involvement.

I relate this weekend’s experience, not to beat up on an industry peer, but to capture an example of scarcity attitude. Including his snappish comments directed at other guests, everything the photographer did seemed to have come from a place of deep-down anxiety and fear. Fear of not being seen as competent as well as someone else appearing to be more so.  I know this fear. Sadly, I’ve embraced it as well. I believe we all have at some point.

Acknowledging that we’re holding on to fear is no excuse for not finding a means of letting it go. Fear does not serve us and it stands in the way of us serving others as well. This applies to all relationships, business and personal.

Having an attitude of abundance and possibility may not be everything, but it sure goes a long way towards enjoying the process. And making it more enjoyable for others around us.

Your thoughts?

Charles

Judging Others by a Better Standard

I have a business colleague who judges everyone else according to his own strengths. When people don’t measure up to his standard of strengths, they are dismissed as inadequate and unworthy of his business respect. Since his particular strengths are in the area of technology, I often fall short, in his view,  of being the full measure of the man I should be.

After feeling the sting of this judgment a few times, I found myself getting fairly irritated in his company on every occasion. I found myself going into each encounter with a ready quip or two prepared to put him on the defensive by pointing out some of the shortcomings he might be overlooking. However, in a moment of clarity I realized, I am him; I have been that kind of person too. And is my heart of hearts, I still am.

I my heart, I have harshly judged people for how they choose to eat, spend their money, and spend their time. On many of those occasions, I have made comments that reflected my judgments in a way that stressed the relationship. Enough of those stress fractures and the relationship will be damaged beyond repair.

I’m not saying that we should not exercise our judgment – there’s far too little good judgment being used. What I am suggesting is that we decide how our particular insights can be of value rather than be demeaning.

I don’t believe that because I’ve not utilized technology to push my LinkedIn connections to 500+ makes me an unthoughtful person. Or that my phone, laptop and desktop are not perfectly synced with identical folders and using automatic smart-mailbox routing so that I have every contact’s complete information at my fingertips at all times is the strongest indication that I don’t care about other people.

I desperately need to make improvements in all areas of life involving technology. I have a lot of improvements to make in other areas as well. What I need is guidance. And encouragement. And support.

But derision causes defensiveness to rise up. Emotional barriers get built. Connection is lost, perhaps permanently.

Again, discernment is a very good and important quality to possess. What is even more important though is the end to which it’s used.

When we discover a weakness in a colleague or friend, do we merely point it out or possibly exploit it? Or do we use the knowledge as a means of building a bridge or a connection? As a means of building that person up?

By being more supportive of others growth, is it possible that we might become more open to others supporting our growth as well?

Charles