Charles Gupton

Charles Gupton

A Happiness Built on Joy

I work under the illusion every day that I can accomplish more than I can. One benefit is that I actually get a fair number of things done over time. A downside is that I’m seldom satisfied with what I did get done, often focusing my discontent on the remaining items from the list which didn’t get completed. But hope frequently deceives me into believing that the next day will be different than all those that have come before.

Although constant driving and striving lead to many tasks getting done, the overall tenor of the journey is seldom happiness. I wrote one morning a few months back that I want my life to be one of “chronic joy” with bouts of “acute happiness.”

That simple revelation has caused me to focus on my consistent state of mind and question how the activities and people I engage with affect my state of mind during and after my involvement with them. Is my mindset one of joyful abundance or fear and security?

The difference between joy and happiness is that I see joy as being about my state of mind while happiness tends to be affected by the circumstances I’m in or believe I’m in.

Happiness is built on a foundation of joy. Not the other way around. I can be joyful even when I’m not pleased with the circumstances that surround me. But I can never be happy with my circumstances when my heart and mind are focused on scarcity.

The interesting revelation for me is that my joy is more constant or “chronic” when I allow myself time in each day for the abundance which comes from overall balance in my day. Joy doesn’t come from how many items got checked off my list but whether the overall approach was balanced with healthy, important activities. A mindful approach to quality vs. quantity of things done.

Charles

Wanna Change Minds? Create a New Story.

“In your zeal to persuade, you will stifle the voice of the other side. Misusing art to preach, your story will become a thinly discussed sermon as you strive in a single stroke to convert the world. – Robert McKee in “Story.

I believe the raw emotional desire of many people to be a part of something bigger than themselves overshadows their effectiveness in having a significant impact on things that have meaning to them.

The issue of same-sex marriage is one that is already polarizing and will only become more so. An interesting point to me is the number of people I know who don’t have a dog in the fight, per say — they’re in a heterosexual marriage with minimal contact with homosexuals — but see the debate as an issue of justice and have decided to take a stand.

I know equally committed people who believe that the sanctity of one man/one woman is the only foundation of marriage. Their concern is not only for loosening the definition of marriage. Many people believe that increasing tolerance for homosexuality also allows increasing acceptance of multiple-spouse marriages, sexual relationships between adults and children, and bestiality.

As I listen to many people present their reasoning for their point of view, not only do they believe their side is right, but they are so entrenched and immovable that no common ground can be established or tolerated. The image in my mind is from WWI battlefield scenes in which the enemies are dug in for the long fight. The ground between them is a no-man’s land strewn with barbed wire and casualties of battle.

I am strongly opinionated and have jumped into far more fights than I care to remember. Several have been life-altering and broken close friendships which have never healed. Looking back on the battles, a few of my views have not changed much. But the a majority of them have. If I were in politics, you would definitely call me a “flip flopper.” I call it growth. Maturity. Wisdom.

Using story is more effective in changing others' points of view than being more dogmatic about your own.

Time and experience have a way of filing off the sharp points. They may not alter the core make-up of our being, but like water constantly flowing over granite, we smooth out little by little over time.

Intransigence has its value. There are absolutes we should be willing to be bound by.

My issue is not with the inherent truths we believe. My concern is whether I am, and you are, actually making an impact or just making noise. Use your power to create useful electricity, not more static.

Whether two sides are firing mortars or insults, neither is affecting the change they want to see. When each side’s primary dogma is to undermine the enemy’s dogma, very little gets accomplished.

I deeply believe the human heart is called to be out of itself, to a purpose far bigger and more expansive than it can achieve on its own. To reach that purpose, it must develop the capacity to listen.

Blasting someone with your “facts” and your opinion won’t change their views. The only way to affect others’ views is to change the way they see themselves in their larger stories. To do that, you need to understand where they fit in their own story.

You have a decision to make. Do you want to continue with your emotional screed or do you want to be effective, to have an impact on changing the story? You can’t do both.

Charles

Transparency in Story

For most of my career, I’ve focused most of my attention on telling the stories, through photographs, that my clients have asked me to tell. Whether it was a concept for an ad or portrait of a CEO, I took the message that was being presented and tried to translate it visually to accompany the text that surrounded it.

While that was certainly a valid — and for years, profitable — approach, I believe the culture of transparency we work in is requiring a different approach. It seems that everywhere I turn, I see the word “authentic” being used. It’s as if using the word in communications makes the communication itself more “authentic.”

Increasingly, after hearing the message my clients want to project, I’m asking about the message their clients already own about them. After all, branding is not the message we’re broadcasting, but the message that others already share about us. Authenticity comes from the perception people have, not from the perceptions we tell them to have.

What does surprise me is how unaware most people are of how they personally and their businesses are perceived by others. Awareness of self and others is what leads to authenticity. Lack of awareness of what is truly is a denial of reality.

The place I’m trying to lead my clients to — and the place I always want to be as well — is one of authentic transparency. From there, we spend less time and fewer resources convincing people of what we want them to believe and more of our energy creating the value those people want to experience.

What do you think?

Charles

An Alternative to Hate

I’ve been thinking about hate a lot more than I’d like.

I got a couple of emails from an old buddy of mine this past week. Herman is an atheist and one of the qualities I enjoyed about our friendship years ago was our lively discussions about theology and spiritual matters.  I enjoy healthy, friendly debate and seek out relationships with people who have a different point of view from my own. I don’t need people to tell me more of what I already believe.

From the tenor of the emails, my old friend had shifted from being passionate to dogmatic anger, from reason to hate. Not pretty.

I understand where anger comes from. A lot of folks are afraid and feel out of control. When we feel out of control of our lives we often look at who we think may be threatening our security and want to take them out. But it doesn’t really work. Not for long, at least.

We’ve seen a lot of that anger on the political fronts where Republicans are afraid of Democrats and do everything they can – including wasting millions of dollars of taxpayers‘ money – to hurt their perceived opposition with petty politics. And vice versa.

On Facebook, I have several “friends” who exhibit outright hatred of all conservatives, and other “friends” who mirror the vitriol with their posts against everyone who’s liberal. Although some of the posts are somewhat amusing, most are sad and fearful.

One of the most powerful lessons I learned from reading Stephen Covey many years ago was the power of working within the circles of influence around us. Focusing energy into changing things we can influence can make a huge difference. Putting resources into arenas in which we have very little influence is seldom ever effective. It’s also a drain on the “juice” we do have available.

The irony is that most of the areas I see angry people target their hate at are areas outside of their influence. So their vitriol is serving no useful purpose. It’s just stirring up an already muddy pond.

The most effective way to affect change is to build trust. Interestingly, voicing your anger and hatred doesn’t actually make you feel any better, just more angry. I know this road from having traveled it so often.

And telling people we hate them doesn’t cause them to change.

One definition of insanity is to continue to do the same thing repeatedly expecting different results. So why not try something different from anger.

Charles

Are you a Neighbor or a Resident?

About two years ago, our neighbor Leroy died.  A few months later his wife Carrie, facing progressive dementia, moved in with one of her daughters leaving a quiet shell of a house with no one around to share a greeting and passing thoughts about the weather.

Joe's dog tied to a tree

Several months ago, Joe, divorced and middle-aged, bought the house and immediately staked six dogs out in the yard. Although they have a 50-gallon barrel for shelter, they are never allowed off their chains and are never handled with any affection or attention. Their role is, ostensibly, to guard the property by barking at anything that moves. And bark they do. Throughout the day and night. Loud and piercing. Joe bought this place because he was forced out of his former rental because of the dogs.

I’d like to be able to say that I take the noise in stride through meditation and a calm spirit of understanding, but I don’t. Especially at 2:17 a.m. when the cacophony has awoken me and I can’t seem to get back to a deep sleep for hours.

But rather than getting angry about something I can’t control, I’m trying to understand what makes people lose awareness of their actions and the impact they have on others. Living in close proximity to others does not necessarily cause one to think in terms of being a neighbor. A residence is a place to sleep and store the stuff of one’s life. Being a resident in a place implies no responsibility to anyone else’s needs. Being a neighbor implies there is some.

Without care, it’s easy to take a ‘resident’ mindset into every aspect of our lives, whether it’s the cubicle we work in or the traffic we’re driving in. Cutting people off or polluting their environment with our ‘noise’ gives a measure of control with an “I’m out for me!” attitude. But at what cost?

Charles