Rather than fighting the throngs of folks buying cards and crowding restaurants for Valentine’s Day, Linda and I prefer to fix a great meal and do something special at home. Our most enjoyable treat is to do massage.
For me, the greater pleasure comes from the giving rather than getting. Don’t get me wrong, I like my neck and shoulders to get a good work-over, but I feel happier after I’ve been the giver.
This seems to support the findings in a recent Discover magazine article (you have to pay 99¢ to buy it) that indicates by using fMRI (f stands for functional), scientists are finding that the act of giving lights up more areas of the brain and creates more indications of pleasure than any other activity tested.
When we think of the statement, “It’s better to give than to receive,” we don’t often take it to heart, or in this case, to mind. But it appears that the selfish thing for us to do – for the sake of happiness – is to do more giving and have less concern for getting. The struggle for me is applying this during the workday and business transactions.
When I’m slammed on work commitments and a personal call comes in from a friend needing some time to talk, I want to give of my time. But the struggle comes in knowing that I’m still going to be at my desk when my friend is watching TV or already in bed.
Or when I’m estimating an assignment for a client, I love to be generous with my time and value. But if a buyer doesn’t appreciate the generosity, I find myself grumbling about the lost resources needed to maintain my energy and grow my business. It’s not the client’s fault if I give away my time without adequate remuneration or fail to light up my brain with the joy of giving.
A simple act of giving can be quite complex. It can stem from relatively pure intentions. Or it can be motivated by a poor self-image that uses giving as a means of compensating or as an attempt at “guilting” the receiver into giving us something we want in-kind. Neither of those are gifts. They’re transactions and they don’t light up our brains – or our hearts – in the same manner.
So in what ways do you give? How do you light up your brain’s switchboard?
Charles