Charles Gupton

Thinking

Backing Up the Big Idea with Hard Work

She looked “rode hard” — and well on the way to being road-hardened — as she slumped into the seat next to mine, another airport meal in tow.

Because of a flight delay, she’d missed her connection and was waiting stand-by to hopefully board the flight from Atlanta to Raleigh-Durham.

Rachel told me that she is on the road 3-5 days each week in sales for a fast-growing technology company. The money is good enough to keep her tied to it, she said, but the glamour of travel is long gone.

Her life for the foreseeable future looks like a long, hellish journey schlepping through airports, traveling to myriad trade shows and presentations, one after another then back again.

As we chatted, I asked what she wanted to do. She said she and her husband were dreaming and hoping for the “big idea” that would rocket them to riches.

I said that most of the obvious big ideas started out as not-so-obvious small ideas and a helluva lotta hard work.

She said half dreamily that if they could just find that one big idea they could be rich and not have to work like that.

Michael Hyatt speaking at the World Domination Summit. Photo by Armosa Studios. #WDS2014

The irony for me was that we were returning from the World Domination Summit in Portland, OR, where we’d just listened to dozens of stories from speakers and attendees alike who’d been in financial places less fortunate than Rachel’s, but who had taken insane ideas and worked their butts off to build their own success in the process.

Each of them was committed to the hard work of bringing focused action to bear on their ideas in addition to dreaming big.

We hear so many “overnight success” stories that lead many people to believe that the secret is simply finding the right idea, buying the appropriate domain, and sitting back while the online sales rack up.

Too few talk about the grinding work, broken relationships, and multiple failures that seem to accompany the overnight miracles. Or when they do, maybe it’s just that very few listen.

A couple of nuggets I’ve picked up that have resonated with my experience through the years:

• Take consistent, ninja-focused action in your work.

• Spend less high-energy time on social media.

• Put people over profits.

• Failure is an integral part of the process of succeeding.

• Be willing to take imperfect action.

But one of my favorite morsels of advice, and quite appropriate to my airport conversation, came from New York Times best-selling author A.J. Jacobs at this year’s World Domination Summit: “It’s easier to act your way into new thinking than it is to think your way into new action.”

But, of course, that’s easier said than done…  

~ Charles

 

Are You Burning Your Fuel Wisely?

“Do not fall in love with people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave, you will finally understand why storms are named after people.” ―Caitlyn Siehl, Literary Sexts: A Collection of Short & Sexy Love Poems

As I was reading this opening verse on “Art Parasites,” I was again reminded how much I want to allocate my “people time” to be with individuals that I care for so much that I feel pangs of hurt to be away from them. Friends that I ache to be apart from. Clients that I care about so much that I wonder how their business and personal lives are faring.

As part of my planning schedule, I’m trying to incorporate an “energy review” where I think about the kinds of people and events that either add to my reserves or draw them down. If people I’m spending my time and energy on are consuming my resources, I need to be assessing my return on investment from being with them.

Have you ever been around someone who had the ability to just light up a room – by leaving it? Or the flip-side — the people who make everything seem bright and possible when they’re around?

I wrote out my core business values several years ago after an experience of working with a client who was a drain on my immediate energy resources and my reserves. Up to that point, I hadn’t realized that my values were based on emotional energy. Energy generated by positive, collaborative relationships. Energy I needed to re-invest into doing great work.

I’ve had a habit for most of my life of using my energy the way most people use fossil fuels — with the thought that, even though the price may fluctuate for various reasons, there must be an unlimited quantity because it’s always there when I want it. 

But no energy source is either infinite or without infrastructure costs.

Over time, I’ve realized that particular people have a particularly high cost of infrastructure maintenance. And upon reflection, because I wasn’t cognizant of how I burned my own emotional fuel, I’ve been higher maintenance for people around me than I ever should have asked them to tolerate.

As an introvert, I understand that “people time” taxes my energy reserves. Therefore, it’s critical for me to invest my time into being with people that I long to be with, that challenge me to grow into my best possible self. These are people that encourage me to jettison those parts of myself that are impeding my potential. People who will destroy me in the most beautiful way possible.  

But to ask someone to be that source of encouragement for me, I have to develop the character traits that allow me to provide the same support to them.

Developing awareness may help you become cognizant of the times when you are a possible drain on others, but most importantly, it may be the first step towards making the changes needed to conserve energy for what matters most, your work. 

Charles

From Fear to Anger to Awareness

I have three angry, negative relationships that are impacting my life, but I don’t know how to extricate myself from any of them. Maybe you have some of those as well.

I find my irritation rises not only when I have to use valuable creative energy to deal with the mess these soul-sucking crazy-makers create, but also when I read or hear trite advice to simply cut the negative people out of one’s life. It’s as simple as deciding to wish away the cancer that has consumed a victim’s body.

What I’m trying to do instead is learn and grow from the experience of dealing with these difficult individuals. By sharing my observations, I hope to more deeply understand what I perceive.

What I consistently notice about anger is that it stems from deep, unresolved fear. What each of these people has is a fear that is so deeply entrenched that there is almost no way to get to the cause and expose it for scrutiny and resolution. The emotion of anger has become so raw and close to the surface that there is no regard for who gets damaged by it.

What scares me most is how easily I can be infected by their hatred. I’d like to believe I’m so strong that I can’t be touched by their negative energy. But that’s like pretending I’m invincible to radiation while standing in the core of a nuclear reactor. The first contact with any of them produces a reactionary, lizard-brain flash of anger in return.

It scares me because my reaction means I must also be holding on to a fear so deep that I can’t name it or detect it. At least not quickly enough to stop my own negative flush of adrenaline. It would be so easy to point the finger at others in regards to their evil without recognizing how close to them I really am in my emotional response.

I don’t now how much I would pay to disentangle myself from these sorts of people. But even if they were gone, without dealing with my own deep fears, I’m still going to be stuck with myself.

How about you? Do you have any angry people or negative situations where an aphorism or positive mantra won’t turn your mind around? How do you respond? How is it transforming you?

Let me know. I still have a lot to learn.

Charles

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is Anger the Best Road to Understanding?

As I’ve watched the fevered debate over extending marriage benefits to gay couples, gun control, as well as a number of other issues, I can’t help but wonder what many people hope to accomplish by their fervor.

I’ve often found that when people are quick to stake a claim on a particular cause or position, they are equally slow in their willingness to shift or change their position.

The nature of humans is such that once we publicly commit to an ideology, we are very unlikely to shift our positions or views to consider new evidence or opinions. And once entrenched in a point of view, most folks get angry towards everyone who does not share their position on the matter.

The challenge is that there is seldom one absolute, perfect solution. There are nuances to all controversial matters, whether they are subjects as diverse as gay rights, fracking, gun control, universal health care, organic vs. conventional food systems, etc.

By keeping an open mind for discussion and debate, we have a better chance of understanding the nuances that lead to better possibilities rather than limiting the options to a “victory” for one side and a desire for vindication from the other.

Have you ever been persuaded by someone who was angry and dogmatic? By friends attempting to stuff their points of view down your throat? Did it change your mind or your emotions?

If you, a reasonable person, were not moved to greater understanding of an opposing view by an angry outside argument, what makes you think anyone else would be either?

When I see people changing their profile pictures on social media to represent their side of an issue or otherwise taking a stand for a particular cause, it prompts me to question their motive. Are they really trying to affect a change they believe in — or are they simply trying to say to the people in their peer group that “I’m one of you, too!”

Since most people connect on social media with people who share their homogeneous beliefs, it really doesn’t impact change. It simply shouts “Me too!”

Courage is displayed and change achieved less by shouting one’s dogma (It’s usually ‘their’ dogma and ‘our’ truth…) and more by gently asking questions which lead to our own growth and understanding.

What we need are leaders who have the ability and courage to take a stand based on core values — but a willingness to modify those beliefs as new understanding emerges. I realize that it’s human nature to demonize “them” as a means of solidifying “us.” But we don’t show boldness when we run from the things we fear. Courage comes from questioning why we’re angry and facing the fear that caused the rage to surface.

Charles

 

Are You Seeking Approval or Growth?

At the end of a recent business meeting, the facilitator immediately began asking the participants for an evaluation of her efforts. How was the structure? Pacing? Content? All of her questions were driving for a quick summation of “How did I do?”

When a positive response – “You were great!” – was offered, she beamed and gave a quick account of her efforts in planning the details. Several people also offered a suggestion for some improvement, but were cut off with a defensive argument about why their idea wouldn’t work.

While her requests were posed as a search for objective feedback, she appeared to be looking only for approval. Nothing wrong with that. We all can use a confidence boost when we’ve pushed our comfort boundaries.

The risk lies in confusing bon mots with information we need to make our efforts better. Although we need both, the key lies in separating the two by asking different questions. And then listening – without defense – to the answers. Asking questions such as the following could give better insights to help you offer better value and ensure you’ll be asked to come back again.

What aspects of the presentation created value for you? Why?
What are some areas for improvement and how?
Who would you recommend to hear this presentation and why?

By distinguishing between where you are now with where you desire to be, you can use the positive qualities you already posses to contribute to the place you’re capable of growing to.

Charles