I like to think of gratitude as a muscle rather than a feeling.
When I miss a few weeks of playing tennis or swimming, I now know that the muscles associated with those activities are going to be especially stiff as I start because they haven’t been used much. Finding them again can be rather uncomfortable.
It’s much the same with gratitude. Too frequently, I get so busy with activities that I don’t slow down enough to be truly grateful for the many, simple pleasures and blessings that surround me.
I'm grateful for the walking trails on our farm.
I took a long, cool drink of water from our spring yesterday, I realized how much I take our water for granted. It was a very warm afternoon and I was soaked from doing outside labor. That drink of water was about the best thing I could imagine having. As my gratitude “muscle” got stretched with that thought, other pleasures started trickling into my mind until it was flooded with experiences that I often overlook, but are of great consequence in my life. Good health. A great marriage. Work that I love. Great food that we grow and enjoy eating. Long walks on the trails we’ve been clearing on our land. The ability to walk. Helpful neighbors. An enjoyable dog. A love of reading.
As I allowed my gratitude muscle to have a good workout, my entire body and mind were re-energized. My body was still tired, but it was a great, “I’ve-been-doing-meaningful-work” kind of tired that allows one to sleep well and wake up to hit a new day with purpose and zeal.
Unfortunately, a state of ongoing gratitude is not where I live. I need to remind myself daily to focus my attention on that exercise. It’s way too easy to live in the mindset of focusing on what I don’t have. To strive for what I’m missing — rather than enjoying what is already filling my life with completeness.
When I hear about a great project a peer is working on or an exciting vacation a friend is about to take, I have a choice to make. I can elect to be jealous or I can be truly excited for their windfall. My reaction is a strong indication of my state of mind. Am I in a place of abundant gratitude or scarceness and envy?
Here’s are some questions we can ask ourselves. If outsiders to our lives were to consider our condition, would they feel envy or pity? If you focus on what you have, even for a moment, rather than what you want, does it change your perspective? Does it impact your level of energy when you give your gratitude muscle a workout?
Charles
Tagged as:
Attitude,
Emotions
My mind is on the creative process a lot as I move through my day. As an artist, I am constantly battling with where to allocate the time for creative thinking, planning and the execution of my projects.
There are a number of titles that I’ve heard for the small business owner, including owner-operator or solopreneur. The title I’ve given myself is artist-operator because, even though I am an artist first, it’s the process of operations and sales that moves a business forward and gives a hope of being profitable. The corollary is that the operation of a business can easily overwhelm the time and space for creative work to be conceived and brought to life.
I talk with a number of creative people on a regular basis who are, in various ways, waiting for the creative “muse” to arrive and create that space in time for them, or they expect the “muse” to meet them on their journey and inspire them to produce.
I have found that the “muse” doesn’t sit and wait. Nor does it come to find us. The “muse” must be sought.
Even knowing this, I found myself grumbling recently about a self-directed project that had stalled because I was spending so much time and thought on the operations and sales processes. And then the “muse” spoke. It said, “Shut-up with the talking and come find me.” The moment I started working on the “doing” of the project rather than the “talking” about the work, the muse met me and the project was completed within days.
Julia Cameron, in her book “The Artist’s Way,” talks about the need to show up at the page. Good writing doesn’t get written unless the writer shows up at the page and writes anymore than a structure gets built without the builder showing up and building.
Are you showing up to do your work or waiting for the “muse” to find you and bring the work along?
Charles
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Creative Muse,
Creativity,
Emotions,
Thinking,
Writing
Do you matter?
It’s a question I’ve been pondering of late as I think about the value we bring to those around us. What makes any one of us matter to other people? The value we have is basically measured in what we do for other people. We are all either adding to or subtracting value from our environment. Either can be positive or negative.
Take social media as an example. Most of what’s added is noise. Most of the posts on Facebook and Twitter could be eliminated and no one would miss them. No one. Subtraction would be a good thing in that case. But adding value by pointing people to thoughtful content instead of thoughtless blather could make a significant difference in our “friends” lives.
In a business environment, most of what matters happens in the context of transaction. If I give you enough of what you want in exchange for what I want (without the elements of mistrust or uncertainty), then we may matter enough to each other to continue to trade so that our wants are consistently met. To matter to each other on a deeper level of relationship, we must meet deeper emotional needs. We must give more than the transaction demands – an investment that goes beyond what our “contract” requires.
Marriage is a good example of a relationship that many people treat as a transaction – “If I do this for you or give you that, what do I get in return?”.
Because most people are not willing to invest any more than the minimum required of them to meet their obligations, they don’t really matter to most of the people around them. They’re not irreplaceable. They have commodity relationships. There is an emptiness in their lives and they know it. They’re just not willing to make the investment of heart to make enough of a difference in order to matter.
Charles
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Attitude,
Emotions,
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Relationships
It is somewhat amazing to observe just how safe most people attempt to keep their lives. And how safety appears to be more important than anything else to them. Even though there is a great need in humans to grow, the “need” or desire to maintain safety seems to be greater.
Our economy and our times require that people grow and adapt. Everything is moving at an incredible pace and people are afraid. I understand that.
I also realize that we can’t afford to remain static.
As I meet people one-on-one and in larger groups, I often feel more energy is focused on pushing back against change rather than accepting the need to incorporate change into our comfort zones.
Trying new approaches as a means of challenging our existing patterns feels very risky as we’re doing it. We often get very little support or encouragement in the early stages of a new venture. But the greatest risk we face is not the risk itself. It’s avoiding the risk.
Charles Gupton
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The social time we had together as friends around the table could have been enjoyable, energizing, and encouraging. Within moments, however, anxiety and enervation had their grip on the discussion. The conversation had shifted from sharing good news and victories to national politics and the economy.
I believe the mood took a U-turn for a couple of reasons. One, the conversation had swung from positive thinking to negative. But the greater reason for the shift, I believe, is that the discussion veered from things we have a great deal of control over to areas in which we have no control. And people already feel too out of control in their lives.
One of the most powerful concepts I’ve retained from reading Stephen Covey’s “First Things First”, is the need to concentrate our resources within our spheres of influence. When people concentrate their thoughts and energy outside of the areas in which they have some degree of influence, their impact is negated. Yet we often expend our energy on areas which return no value for us or others.
Talking and worrying about the economy has no impact on it’s improvement. Conscientiously buying from local merchants with whom you establish a relationship can have a huge impact on their business and yours.
Debate about President Obama’s term in office will have no positive change on his effectiveness, no matter which side of the discussion is “right”. However, becoming informed about local issues and supporting local candidates that are working to change the political status quo can create are far deeper impact for one’s time invested.
But it’s not just the issues “out there” that I see capturing people’s attention. I’m frequently around intelligent, well educated business people who are still complaining about their particular industry sector and business. When I ask what they’re doing to create a change, they’re often doing what they’ve always done – waiting for conditions to change. And they’re spending most of their resources – energy and money – on areas outside of their circles of greatest influence.
There is no revision of their business plan. No strategy. No commitment to marketing. No networking with the people they already know who are willing to do business with them. Nada. Except for complaining about how things “out there” need to be better. Ain’t likely to happen.
Most folks don’t really want to work for a change to occur. They like the comfort of status quo. That’s why they burn their resources outside of the circles of influence that are closest to them rather than heat up the opportunities within their reach.
How about you? Are you concentrating your effort on the relationships that could have the greatest impact on changing your world for the better?
Charles
Tagged as:
Attitude,
Economy,
Emotions,
Personal Impact,
Relationships
Attitude is not always everything. But it sure makes a world of difference.
I attended the wedding of a special friend this weekend. I don’t know that I’ve ever witnessed a couple that looked anymore delighted at the prospect of having their lives and hearts joined in marriage.
A first kiss with "attitude".
As a photographer, what was of particular interest to me was watching the official photographer work and interact with the wedding party, family, and guests. I ‘d brought a camera with me but had left it in the car so that I could focus my entire attention on the occasion and not be caught up in the imagery from it. It’s a difficult habit to break. After watching the glow on Alex’s face when the church doors opened and he focused everything in his being on his bride-to-be, I couldn’t resist running back to the car for my camera.
Although I don’t label myself a wedding photographer, I’ve shot a lot of weddings. As a result, I am very sensitive to where I position myself so that I’m not in the way of anyone who is at a wedding in an official capacity. So I was a little dismayed when the photographer approached me in the corner of the balcony and told me that he was the “official” photographer and that I was in the way of him carrying out his assignment. Mind you, the balcony could have held fifteen photographers standing abreast but, biting my tongue, I stepped back and offered him my spot. He stepped in front of me, shot one photo then turned and headed down the stairs. On the way down, he slammed his head into an overhang. He later told me it was my fault that he’d hit his head.
A few minutes later I was at the back of the church to get a shot of the couple as they turned to leave. Again the photographer came over to remind me that he was the “official” photographer and that I was again in his way. He stepped in front of me, shot one photo and marched up the middle aisle to the front of the church. I went back upstairs to be out of the way and get a better angle. When the couple did turn, he was completely out of position at the front of the church and had to dash to the back of the church.
Sometime later, near the end of the “official” family photos, the groom’s family approached me about shooting some family photos of them. The photographer had refused to shoot them because they were not on the “official” list. Although it felt a little awkward, I was glad to help them. I understand the pain of missing those important family images. Our “official” photographer marked his calendar incorrectly and was a no-show at our wedding.
Alisane and Alex Ferguson
As a result, our wedding photos are cobbled together from photos taken by other photographer friends who were in attendance. As a result, capturing all of the desired images from a special occasion is dear to my heart.
When I cover an event these days I try to always have one or two additional photographers with me. I can’t think of everything, be in every spot, nor be assured no technical glitches will ever occur. And when shooting a single image on a project, I’m delighted to get input from anyone who sees a better possibility before us. I value abundance of involvement.
I relate this weekend’s experience, not to beat up on an industry peer, but to capture an example of scarcity attitude. Including his snappish comments directed at other guests, everything the photographer did seemed to have come from a place of deep-down anxiety and fear. Fear of not being seen as competent as well as someone else appearing to be more so. I know this fear. Sadly, I’ve embraced it as well. I believe we all have at some point.
Acknowledging that we’re holding on to fear is no excuse for not finding a means of letting it go. Fear does not serve us and it stands in the way of us serving others as well. This applies to all relationships, business and personal.
Having an attitude of abundance and possibility may not be everything, but it sure goes a long way towards enjoying the process. And making it more enjoyable for others around us.
Your thoughts?
Charles
Tagged as:
Attitude,
Competition,
Creative Juices,
Emotions,
Photography
I have a business colleague who judges everyone else according to his own strengths. When people don’t measure up to his standard of strengths, they are dismissed as inadequate and unworthy of his business respect. Since his particular strengths are in the area of technology, I often fall short, in his view, of being the full measure of the man I should be.
After feeling the sting of this judgment a few times, I found myself getting fairly irritated in his company on every occasion. I found myself going into each encounter with a ready quip or two prepared to put him on the defensive by pointing out some of the shortcomings he might be overlooking. However, in a moment of clarity I realized, I am him; I have been that kind of person too. And is my heart of hearts, I still am.
I my heart, I have harshly judged people for how they choose to eat, spend their money, and spend their time. On many of those occasions, I have made comments that reflected my judgments in a way that stressed the relationship. Enough of those stress fractures and the relationship will be damaged beyond repair.
I’m not saying that we should not exercise our judgment – there’s far too little good judgment being used. What I am suggesting is that we decide how our particular insights can be of value rather than be demeaning.
I don’t believe that because I’ve not utilized technology to push my LinkedIn connections to 500+ makes me an unthoughtful person. Or that my phone, laptop and desktop are not perfectly synced with identical folders and using automatic smart-mailbox routing so that I have every contact’s complete information at my fingertips at all times is the strongest indication that I don’t care about other people.
I desperately need to make improvements in all areas of life involving technology. I have a lot of improvements to make in other areas as well. What I need is guidance. And encouragement. And support.
But derision causes defensiveness to rise up. Emotional barriers get built. Connection is lost, perhaps permanently.
Again, discernment is a very good and important quality to possess. What is even more important though is the end to which it’s used.
When we discover a weakness in a colleague or friend, do we merely point it out or possibly exploit it? Or do we use the knowledge as a means of building a bridge or a connection? As a means of building that person up?
By being more supportive of others growth, is it possible that we might become more open to others supporting our growth as well?
Charles
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Attitude,
Discernment,
Emotions,
Listening,
Relationships,
Social media,
Technology
When Linda and I took a sabbatical from our communications work several years ago and ventured into organic farming, I spent an inordinate amount of time doing the work of laying irrigation, preparing the soil, fencing pastures, and other necessary tasks to allow us to produce the various crops and products we ate and sold.
But over time, we found that the most important work that we did was not the growing of food, but the growing of the relationships with our customers. The points of contact where we were engaged with the people most affected by our efforts – whether it was delivering produce or attending a farmers’ market meeting – did more to deepen the relationships and fuel our hearts than anything else we did.
We came to understand that it’s not just about work, but “The Work.”
As I was sitting in a recent peer advisory meeting where we were discussing the metrics that were most critical for each of our businesses to succeed, I had a profound revelation. I had been setting the number of client and potential-client meetings that I was having as the most important metric to count. After all, no business can have sales without customers.
The revelation was that I was not establishing any metrics for nourishing my creative heart. I was counting meetings as having the most value in my life, but not anything connected to producing my art. It was truly an ‘A-ha!’ moment.
As soon as I started writing down the “The Work” my heart wanted to achieve, the other work I needed to get accomplished seemed to be so much more approachable and less burdensome to consider. Just as I’m far more inclined to enjoy any work I do when I’m physically rested and fed, my heart is far more engaged when it’s rested and fed.
From the moment my heart got attention, everything else I did was energized. I’ve been told a number of times in the last several weeks that I walk into a room with a renewed energy, and every meeting I’ve been involved with has more new possibilities than before. I don’t believe the situations have changed, but my view of them has.
My current metrics now include accountable projects for both my heart and head, and my heart is enjoying the process of being included in the census.
What about you? Are your feeding “The Work” that feeds your heart or is the work consuming your life?
Charles
Tagged as:
Attitude,
Creative Juices,
Creativity,
Emotions,
Feeding the Heart,
Relationships
We’d decided to take our first tandem bike ride of the season and I was digging around for my riding shorts, a t-shirt and socks when it hit me that I had too much crammed in the drawers. A minute later, I had the contents of the drawers all dumped out on the bed, making piles of what I did want to keep and other piles of stuff that needed to go.
For months (maybe years?) Linda has tried to get me to throw out well-seasoned articles from my wardrobe. I said they had character. She said they were ratty.
Although she couldn’t understand the nostalgic value of a t-shirt I played tennis in through high school, she’d shake her head and fold it away for me. But why was I keeping so many pairs of “Sunday undies” (you know, they’re holey)? And did it matter if most of my socks were mostly like new if they were all threadbare in exactly the same spot?
I wasn’t sure what was causing the wave of desire to clean the drawers out, but I did it anyway. Linda wasn’t even around. When she came in to see if I was still going to ride, she found me going through every piece. If there was any question, I gave her final approval over its merit to stay.
For the last couple of years, I’ve been putting an extraordinary amount of attention into business development. Very little of my time and resources have been invested in my heart and art.
It’s been a couple of years since I led the last of several groups of artists through Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way. In her book, Cameron talks about the need to clean out and de-clutter as a way to make room for the new and unexpected to come into our lives. In the last couple of weeks, I’ve experienced a shift in my heart and mind. Rather than list out quantifiable business goals as a part of my group accountability, I found myself interjecting some creative project goals. I hadn’t really given it much pre-thought. It just popped out. It was as if my heart said, “Enough. I want my turn.” Who was I to argue?
Although I’d started ruminating on what I wanted to do and how I wanted to proceed, I hadn’t yet taken any defining action. But as I was putting my socks and skivvies away, I realized my heart wanted to see some change, some cleaning out to make room for something new. This isn’t the end, but I had to start somewhere. So I have.
Fortunately, we still had time left for our ride.
Charles
Tagged as:
Attitude,
Creativity,
Emotions
I had an interesting experience recently while swimming.
As I was preparing to get into the pool, another swimmer was getting into the same lane at the opposite end. As is the normal etiquette, I waved to her indicating which side of the lane I’d take, and she waved back. As I started to slide in, I realized I’d forgotten to shower so I went back into the locker room, took a quick shower and hopped into the pool
The other swimmer was about mid-way up the lane, semi-stroking, floating along on her back as I pushed off. As I passed her, she let out a screech and started screaming at me. “What are you doing? You scared the hell out of me! Why are you in my lane?!?”
I wish I’d had a picture of my face. I came out of the water like a jack-in-the box, jaws wide open, eyes bigger than my goggles. What shot through my head and hit the tip of my tongue was “You stupid &!*#! What do you think I’m doing? I waved, you waved back. I’m swimming my laps! What’s with you? What are you doing in a swim lane if you don’t understand proper etiquette?”
What actually came out of my mouth was “I’m sorry. When I waved and you waved back I thought you knew I was sharing the lane with you. I didn’t intend to scare you. It was my fault. Do you mind if I share the lane with you?”
I don’t remember the response other than anger and dismissiveness as she bee-lined for the lifeguard to report me. I found out later that she was a first time swimmer and thought I was just waving earlier to be nice. When I ducked back in for my shower, she had thought I’d left and she started swimming.
When she finished her tête-à-tête with the lifeguard, she got back into the pool in another, now-open lane and we both went about our work-out. When I finished, I went over to her again and repeated my apology, almost verbatim. I genuinely was sorry that I’d startled her. She scolded me slightly and accepted my apology. I said, “Thank you. Take care.”
To be honest, I was slightly irritated that I was taking the rap for doing what was a normal custom. But, what the hell? In my mind, I startled her and I didn’t want her to feel she was under any kind of threat. Was there any cost to me to be kind rather than acting defensive?
The next time I swam, she was a couple of lanes over and waved at me as I popped up between laps. Later, in the whirlpool, she laughed at a story I told a buddy and we chatted like we were old friends. Again, to be honest, I found myself wanting to defend my actions and let her know that I’d been right in following decorum. After all, who was she to question me? Hell, I’ve been swimming for years. I know the rules!!! Like, who are you, lap-queen?
At the same time I was thinking, “You know, this is childish. Who gives a crap? Let it go and just be friendly.”
One of the greatest realizations I’ve come to through the years is that most of the baggage people carry through life is of their own choosing. And most of that weight is caused by lack of forgiveness over relatively small matters. Most problems come down to simple misunderstandings between people, over who’s following the proper “rules.” But through listening and not being defensive, even the most complicated problems really aren’t as complicated as they’re made out to be, once people just take the time to understand one another.
Anyway, I think I have a new pool buddy. Her name is Sandra.
Charles Gupton
http://www.charlesguptonphoto.com
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