Charles Gupton

Attitude

Pause for Pregnant Thoughts – 3/3

This is the third of three summaries of the take-away thoughts I brought with me from our recent trip to the World Domination Summit (#WDA2015) in Portland OR. The excitement and follow through from the participants is amazing to me. If you want to read more from participants from other participants, I’ll have a list in tomorrow’s post.

WDS2015_DerekSivers_web
Derek Sivers rousing the crowd to quit doing what’s not working.

Derek Sivers (@sivers) on pursuing freedom:

  • Because most people don’t know why they’re doing what they’re doing, they settle for imitating others and going with their flow instead of establishing their own vision.
  • Commit to the problem you want to solve, not the outcome you want.
  • Spend more time learning and understanding and less time preaching.

Asha Dornfest (@ashadornfest) on how to be a grown up:

  • Embrace course corrections. Often when your plans fail, you feel as if you’ve failed. That’s not true. Correct your course and keep moving.
  • Some people just seem to be able to flip the ‘Epic’ switch and huge success comes their way. Usually success comes through a million small, consistent baby steps that are not seen by others. What the public sees is the ‘win’, not stumbling process of getting there.
  • Self-confidence grows every time you keep a promise to yourself.

Lissa Rankin (@Lissarankin) on seeking your calling:

Screen capture from Lissa Rankin.
Screen capture from Lissa Rankin.
  • Give life permission to break your heart.
  • Can you make peace with what’s true?
  • Develop “Prononia”, the belief that the universe is conspiring to back your desires.

 

 

Jeremy Cowart (@jeremycowart)

  • I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
WDS_JiaJiang_web
Jia Jiang talking with Heath Padgett during a break in the Rejection Therapy academy.

 

Jia Jiang (@JiaJiang) on developing a personal rejection therapy:

  • Developing a comfort with rejection is like martial arts for your mind.
  • You have no control over whether someone says ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to a request. But you do have control over how you present yourself and your request. Focus on what you can control.
  • Decide on the number of rejections – a ‘no’ list – that you’re willing to overcome before quitting that particular endeavor and moving on. By picking a particular number – say 25, for instance – you can make the process sort of a game, knowing that you have to reach that number before quitting. Most people find success way before they reach their limit.

 

 

Don’t Over-Complicate a Simple Thing

 

It was a simple thing, really.

Buy some coffee and freely offer it to people standing in line for an event. Just say “Good morning,” exchange a few pleasantries, and move up the line.

But it was more than that. But not that much more.

Tim Weston Serving Others
Tim Weston Serving Others

I met Tim Weston as I was waiting to go into the auditorium for the second day of the 2015 World Domination Summit. He was walking up the line of attendees who were queued up, waiting for the doors to open.

Throughout its five-year history, the staff of WDS is legendary for providing unexpected surprises and comforts for those in attendance. But I noticed that Tim was wearing the blue name badge of an attendee and not the orange badge of a volunteer. It was not Tim’s job as a volunteer host to create an exceptional experience for the attendees in line.

 

Yet here he was, doing just that. He had purchased a container of coffee and was giving it away to anyone who need a cup. I asked him why.

Tim said he figured some people would have been standing in line for over an hour and might have missed getting coffee. Or maybe someone might just need a lift. Plus, as an introvert, it gave him an excuse to go up to people and speak to them. An effort to break through his own shyness, combined with a simple, thoughtful gesture to serve other people.

Tim didn’t tell anyone he bought the coffee or why he was doing it. He didn’t turn a spotlight on himself. He focused instead on serving others.

It was a simple gesture that well encapsulated the three tenets of WDS:

Community – Tim was thinking of other attendees waiting in line.

Service – He took action on behalf of them.

Adventure – It’s always an adventure when you sail into the waters of meeting people in unconventional ways, especially as an introvert.

Tim didn’t over complicate a simple process of meeting people and giving a piece of himself in service.

Tim was my hero for the day and provided a lesson in kindness that I’ll remember and emulate. Most of the time I make things more difficult than they have to be and muddle them up in the process.

I like it when my lessons come with a little cream and sugar. Thanks, Tim!

 

Learning to Court Your Monster

This past September, I had the pleasure of joining a couple hundred visionary thinkers and leaders at an event produced by Jonathan and Stephanie Fields and their support crew under the umbrella of their Good Life Project. 

On the last night of the event, a talent show was held with the idea, as I understood it at the time, that it’d be a fun, mindless event with a handful of people doing some songs, silly skits, and maybe a few trivial tricks.

It was anything but.

Barry Solway’s book will delight your heart and soul!

 

For over three hours, people took the stage and opened their souls with raw – and often times very polished – talent. I’ve never experienced an occasion in which an audience was moved from doubled-over laughter to heart-touching tears and back again with such frequency. Or the number of standing ovations genuinely given in response to the shear amazement elicited by so many varied presentations.

One of those who did all three was Barry Solway. Barry tentatively, almost apologetically, read a story he’d written for his niece off his iPhone. Not only did he have folks laughing, but midway through almost everyone was crying. When he finished, folks leapt to their feet with applause and cheers. So great was the response that a team of believers surrounded Barry and helped get his book into print before Christmas.

You can read a post about the event from Jonathan Fields’ blog this week. You can also order either a print or electronic copy of Courtship of the Monster Under the Bed here.

Read it with your child. Read it to your child. Read it for your inner child. You’re welcome.

~ Charles

 

 

 

 

 

 

Creating Space for Gratitude

Creating time and emotional space to be thankful in the midst of a deep struggle — or even a time of emotional darkness — does not seem either intuitive or congruent with the over-riding fear of a particular moment.

However, I’ve come to believe that it is one of the most important and necessary actions we take during the times of discouragement we all, at one point or another, have to face.

And by action, I mean that being thankful, or showing gratitude, is an intentional, active process. 

About three years ago, I was reading a magazine article about a woman who, in preparing for a divorce, had kept a daily log of the things her husband did wrong and the ways that he upset her. It occurred to me in that moment that if she’d instead kept a journal of everything her husband did right, and that she appreciated about him and her life, the story might’ve taken a different turn.

That day, I started a ‘gratitude’ journal where I write down every night as I’m going to bed at least three things that I am grateful for or that I did right that day. It has transformed my thinking.

This year has been the most tumultuous year that I can remember, in both the business and personal aspects of my life. But the process of acknowledging the good things that I’m grateful for each day has helped me go to sleep with a positive frame around each day, minimizing the stress and worry that almost certainly would have kept me from getting the sleep my mind and body needed.

It seems too simple. Too benign to have any significance.

But the daily habit – the process – of reflecting on the people in my life and the gifts that have flowed out of each day’s abundance has made a huge difference in how I approach my life. I find myself looking for what each opportunity offers rather than what it costs. I find myself anticipating good, so that I’ll have something good to write. And that, in itself, is something I’m grateful for.

Charles 

A Celebration of Investment

Thirty-five years ago, we were married. United in a ceremony in which we committed to the words, “until death us do part.”

Yet five years after that November day in 1979, we were in the process of planning a divorce. We were two years ahead of the seven-year itch, ready to separate our possessions and our lives.

We had grown in different directions and were in the mindset of portioning out what little we owned into boxes that would accompany each of us as we struck out on our individual, no longer united journeys.

There was no surface acrimony. We were eerily calm and reflective about the whole affair. But even the most well thought out logic is deeply infused with emotion.

In a moment of what I credit to be divine insight, I proposed that we take a month off from our plans to separate and, instead, go on a series of dates and act as if we were trying to get to know each other again. To ask questions about each other’s interest and explore them with the same degree of interest that we would if we were dating someone new, which we figured we might be doing relatively soon anyway.

As crazy as it sounds, it worked. 

What had caused us to grow apart was a lack of willingness to grow together, to maintain a desire to express a genuine interest in what the other cared about.

Occasionally, I’ll hear the story of a couple that has had 30, 40, or even 50+ years of marital bliss. It has not been all rainbows and glitter for us through the years since. There were several times that we could have easily split apart. What kept us from pulling apart were the lessons we learned from that first near-divorce.

Although it was painful at the time, our imminent split was one of the best lessons we’ve faced. I learned how fragile our relationships can be and how important it is to work at salvaging them. I am stunned by how readily many people jettison other people because the relationship they share becomes difficult or challenging.

This past year – hell, the last several years — have had multiple stressful events that could’ve driven a wedge or created enough stress to split our alliance. But we now have the experience to understand and the tools needed to pull together rather than apart.

Thirty years ago, it felt so much easier to cash out our account rather than to invest in and fight for the long haul. I cannot emphasize enough the dividends we’ve received as a result of the struggles and celebrations that have come our way instead.

Because our anniversary falls so close to the Thanksgiving celebration, it’s a timely reminder each year of the blessings we’ve shared because of our challenges, not in spite of them.

I offer my thanks to Linda for staying with me on this journey and to the many folks throughout the years who’ve stuck with and encouraged us along the way. 

Charles