About two years ago, our neighbor Leroy died. A few months later his wife Carrie, facing progressive dementia, moved in with one of her daughters leaving a quiet shell of a house with no one around to share a greeting and passing thoughts about the weather.
Joe's dog tied to a tree
Several months ago, Joe, divorced and middle-aged, bought the house and immediately staked six dogs out in the yard. Although they have a 50-gallon barrel for shelter, they are never allowed off their chains and are never handled with any affection or attention. Their role is, ostensibly, to guard the property by barking at anything that moves. And bark they do. Throughout the day and night. Loud and piercing. Joe bought this place because he was forced out of his former rental because of the dogs.
I’d like to be able to say that I take the noise in stride through meditation and a calm spirit of understanding, but I don’t. Especially at 2:17 a.m. when the cacophony has awoken me and I can’t seem to get back to a deep sleep for hours.
But rather than getting angry about something I can’t control, I’m trying to understand what makes people lose awareness of their actions and the impact they have on others. Living in close proximity to others does not necessarily cause one to think in terms of being a neighbor. A residence is a place to sleep and store the stuff of one’s life. Being a resident in a place implies no responsibility to anyone else’s needs. Being a neighbor implies there is some.
Without care, it’s easy to take a ‘resident’ mindset into every aspect of our lives, whether it’s the cubicle we work in or the traffic we’re driving in. Cutting people off or polluting their environment with our ‘noise’ gives a measure of control with an “I’m out for me!” attitude. But at what cost?
Charles
Tagged as:
Attitude,
Listening,
Relationships
I think I should watch more tennis on TV. Although I seldom allow myself the time to watch the sport I most enjoy, I’m always charged up afterwards.
I only watched two matches from the recent Wimbledon tournament – the quarterfinals match between Roger Federer and Jo-Wilfred Tsonga and the finals match between Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal. In both encounters, not only did the underdog win, but I believe he also stunned the expected winner.
The first reason for the underdog’s success was conditioning, both physical and mental. In the Federer/Tsonga match, Federer won the first two sets (out of the best of five). He went into the match with a 178-0 record against opponents after taking the first two sets. The odds were certainly in his favor and I think he expected Tsonga to know this and give up.
The second reason that the underdogs won was attitude, or heart. Tsonga wouldn’t give up. He ran down every shot and hit amazing returns time and again. He never showed any sign of mental or physical weakness. I believe Federer was caught resting on his accomplishments and expecting his opponent to respectfully give up.
Are you willing to run all out?
In the finals, I saw the same traits in a different order. Djokovic stepped on the court to win and dominated the first two sets. When his focus blurred in the third set, Nadal seized on the lapse and won the set. A visibly shaken Djokovic recovered his mojo in the fourth set to win.
So what?
The reason I care is that I know a number of photographers, designers and myriad business people who were once at the top of their game. Not only were they winning nearly all the business that came their way, but they also captured most of the awards their industry handed out.
Then change happened. Younger players, or possibly new players displaced from another career, entered the game and caused disruptions in the rankings. The established players wanted to coast. They didn’t want to learn new technology or develop better mental, and often physical, conditioning. They wanted their achievements to be respected.
But new players want a piece of the glory. They’re often willing to work harder and smarter. They read blogs, leverage social media and go to more networking opportunities. When it comes to the crunch time, they often show more “heart.” When they do, they often win. Established players often have the attitude that younger players should wait and “pay their dues.” But players – young and old – with heart, play to win.
Where are you in your game? What are you doing to develop your conditioning? And your attitude?
Charles
Tagged as:
Attitude,
Competition,
Photography,
tennis,
Thinking,
winning
I like to think of gratitude as a muscle rather than a feeling.
When I miss a few weeks of playing tennis or swimming, I now know that the muscles associated with those activities are going to be especially stiff as I start because they haven’t been used much. Finding them again can be rather uncomfortable.
It’s much the same with gratitude. Too frequently, I get so busy with activities that I don’t slow down enough to be truly grateful for the many, simple pleasures and blessings that surround me.
I'm grateful for the walking trails on our farm.
I took a long, cool drink of water from our spring yesterday, I realized how much I take our water for granted. It was a very warm afternoon and I was soaked from doing outside labor. That drink of water was about the best thing I could imagine having. As my gratitude “muscle” got stretched with that thought, other pleasures started trickling into my mind until it was flooded with experiences that I often overlook, but are of great consequence in my life. Good health. A great marriage. Work that I love. Great food that we grow and enjoy eating. Long walks on the trails we’ve been clearing on our land. The ability to walk. Helpful neighbors. An enjoyable dog. A love of reading.
As I allowed my gratitude muscle to have a good workout, my entire body and mind were re-energized. My body was still tired, but it was a great, “I’ve-been-doing-meaningful-work” kind of tired that allows one to sleep well and wake up to hit a new day with purpose and zeal.
Unfortunately, a state of ongoing gratitude is not where I live. I need to remind myself daily to focus my attention on that exercise. It’s way too easy to live in the mindset of focusing on what I don’t have. To strive for what I’m missing — rather than enjoying what is already filling my life with completeness.
When I hear about a great project a peer is working on or an exciting vacation a friend is about to take, I have a choice to make. I can elect to be jealous or I can be truly excited for their windfall. My reaction is a strong indication of my state of mind. Am I in a place of abundant gratitude or scarceness and envy?
Here’s are some questions we can ask ourselves. If outsiders to our lives were to consider our condition, would they feel envy or pity? If you focus on what you have, even for a moment, rather than what you want, does it change your perspective? Does it impact your level of energy when you give your gratitude muscle a workout?
Charles
Tagged as:
Attitude,
Emotions
I kind of followed my own advice from my previous blog post when I decided to shut up and do my work. I decided to drop away from most meetings that were not assignment related and almost all extracurricular activities including most social media outlets or any web surfing to get several projects completed.
The primary project has been to get all of my branding materials including website, business cards, documents, emailers, etc. to have one consistent look. No three elements of my materials were consistent in either content or design with each other.
It is amazing to me how few of the businesses that are in the business of working with companies on branding materials have their own materials in order. I’ve been just as guilty, and needed to get my house in order.
Unfortunately, the only way I know to get anything which requires extreme focus done, is to drop away from everything that is not urgent, even if it is important. Because I’ve made a commitment to get the MindFire newsletter out twice each month, I focused particular attention on getting that written and shipped. And of course, there are those assignments which actually keeps the mortgage paid and the power on, not to mention groceries in the cupboards.
But virtually every social and business engagement that is not urgent on any given day got cut. That means having hurt some feelings of people who are important but don’t have urgent needs to respond to. But, of course, when someone thinks their matter is important, it becomes urgent to them. Thus, some singed emotions.
I have been trying for some time to stay slightly engaged on all fronts without any noticeable slippage. But what slips is not seen on the stage necessarily, it’s behind the curtain of life. Most of it comes in the form of diminished mental and physical health when we never let down on our outside appearance of being “on.” The other areas that get a hit are those that require a lot of focused attention such as writing or creating a new vision.
What I’m having to come to accept is that, as an introvert at heart, I need time away from engagement with people to regain energy and focus. I also need my own permission to exit and take this time away. When I do re-enter, I’m always charged up with renewed energy and excitement because some of the pressure to get important stuff done is relieved and I have attention to share with people again. It’s a very good thing. But, as much as I get tired of explaining that to others, I get even more tired of having to explain it to myself.
Charles
Tagged as:
Attitude,
Branding,
Creativity,
Photography
My mind is on the creative process a lot as I move through my day. As an artist, I am constantly battling with where to allocate the time for creative thinking, planning and the execution of my projects.
There are a number of titles that I’ve heard for the small business owner, including owner-operator or solopreneur. The title I’ve given myself is artist-operator because, even though I am an artist first, it’s the process of operations and sales that moves a business forward and gives a hope of being profitable. The corollary is that the operation of a business can easily overwhelm the time and space for creative work to be conceived and brought to life.
I talk with a number of creative people on a regular basis who are, in various ways, waiting for the creative “muse” to arrive and create that space in time for them, or they expect the “muse” to meet them on their journey and inspire them to produce.
I have found that the “muse” doesn’t sit and wait. Nor does it come to find us. The “muse” must be sought.
Even knowing this, I found myself grumbling recently about a self-directed project that had stalled because I was spending so much time and thought on the operations and sales processes. And then the “muse” spoke. It said, “Shut-up with the talking and come find me.” The moment I started working on the “doing” of the project rather than the “talking” about the work, the muse met me and the project was completed within days.
Julia Cameron, in her book “The Artist’s Way,” talks about the need to show up at the page. Good writing doesn’t get written unless the writer shows up at the page and writes anymore than a structure gets built without the builder showing up and building.
Are you showing up to do your work or waiting for the “muse” to find you and bring the work along?
Charles
Tagged as:
Attitude,
Creative Muse,
Creativity,
Emotions,
Thinking,
Writing
I live in a dilemma of sorts.
I’m an intelligent person. I like big ideas. And learning. And understanding. And I like to be around other people who like those same things.
The dilemma, of sorts, is that a lot of people who genuinely like knowledge- so much so that they are always trying to learn and grow- are often not nice people. Many are quite unpleasant to be around. Knowledge, for them, is often more important than people.
I think I used to be (more?) unpleasant to be around as well because I thought it was important to impress people with what I knew and what I was learning. If I was with smart people I wanted to impress them that I was smart too. If I was talking with someone who was not that smart – from my point-of-view – I seemed to think that they’d appreciate me helping them become smart. When I think about it, neither approach was all that smart.
What I’ve come to learn is that most everyone wants other people to think they’re smart or at least interesting. And, most people are when we really stop and listen. And ask better questions.
Asking better questions is really a smarter thing to do than giving better information because most people don’t really give a rat’s butt about what we know. Their interest is in having us know what they know. The bonus is that as knowledge seekers, good questions allow us to learn more stuff.
So. What do you think?
Charles
Tagged as:
Attitude,
Relationships
Do you matter?
It’s a question I’ve been pondering of late as I think about the value we bring to those around us. What makes any one of us matter to other people? The value we have is basically measured in what we do for other people. We are all either adding to or subtracting value from our environment. Either can be positive or negative.
Take social media as an example. Most of what’s added is noise. Most of the posts on Facebook and Twitter could be eliminated and no one would miss them. No one. Subtraction would be a good thing in that case. But adding value by pointing people to thoughtful content instead of thoughtless blather could make a significant difference in our “friends” lives.
In a business environment, most of what matters happens in the context of transaction. If I give you enough of what you want in exchange for what I want (without the elements of mistrust or uncertainty), then we may matter enough to each other to continue to trade so that our wants are consistently met. To matter to each other on a deeper level of relationship, we must meet deeper emotional needs. We must give more than the transaction demands – an investment that goes beyond what our “contract” requires.
Marriage is a good example of a relationship that many people treat as a transaction – “If I do this for you or give you that, what do I get in return?”.
Because most people are not willing to invest any more than the minimum required of them to meet their obligations, they don’t really matter to most of the people around them. They’re not irreplaceable. They have commodity relationships. There is an emptiness in their lives and they know it. They’re just not willing to make the investment of heart to make enough of a difference in order to matter.
Charles
Tagged as:
Attitude,
Emotions,
Listening,
Relationships
It is somewhat amazing to observe just how safe most people attempt to keep their lives. And how safety appears to be more important than anything else to them. Even though there is a great need in humans to grow, the “need” or desire to maintain safety seems to be greater.
Our economy and our times require that people grow and adapt. Everything is moving at an incredible pace and people are afraid. I understand that.
I also realize that we can’t afford to remain static.
As I meet people one-on-one and in larger groups, I often feel more energy is focused on pushing back against change rather than accepting the need to incorporate change into our comfort zones.
Trying new approaches as a means of challenging our existing patterns feels very risky as we’re doing it. We often get very little support or encouragement in the early stages of a new venture. But the greatest risk we face is not the risk itself. It’s avoiding the risk.
Charles Gupton
Tagged as:
Attitude,
Economy,
Emotions,
Relationships,
Thinking
The social time we had together as friends around the table could have been enjoyable, energizing, and encouraging. Within moments, however, anxiety and enervation had their grip on the discussion. The conversation had shifted from sharing good news and victories to national politics and the economy.
I believe the mood took a U-turn for a couple of reasons. One, the conversation had swung from positive thinking to negative. But the greater reason for the shift, I believe, is that the discussion veered from things we have a great deal of control over to areas in which we have no control. And people already feel too out of control in their lives.
One of the most powerful concepts I’ve retained from reading Stephen Covey’s “First Things First”, is the need to concentrate our resources within our spheres of influence. When people concentrate their thoughts and energy outside of the areas in which they have some degree of influence, their impact is negated. Yet we often expend our energy on areas which return no value for us or others.
Talking and worrying about the economy has no impact on it’s improvement. Conscientiously buying from local merchants with whom you establish a relationship can have a huge impact on their business and yours.
Debate about President Obama’s term in office will have no positive change on his effectiveness, no matter which side of the discussion is “right”. However, becoming informed about local issues and supporting local candidates that are working to change the political status quo can create are far deeper impact for one’s time invested.
But it’s not just the issues “out there” that I see capturing people’s attention. I’m frequently around intelligent, well educated business people who are still complaining about their particular industry sector and business. When I ask what they’re doing to create a change, they’re often doing what they’ve always done – waiting for conditions to change. And they’re spending most of their resources – energy and money – on areas outside of their circles of greatest influence.
There is no revision of their business plan. No strategy. No commitment to marketing. No networking with the people they already know who are willing to do business with them. Nada. Except for complaining about how things “out there” need to be better. Ain’t likely to happen.
Most folks don’t really want to work for a change to occur. They like the comfort of status quo. That’s why they burn their resources outside of the circles of influence that are closest to them rather than heat up the opportunities within their reach.
How about you? Are you concentrating your effort on the relationships that could have the greatest impact on changing your world for the better?
Charles
Tagged as:
Attitude,
Economy,
Emotions,
Personal Impact,
Relationships
Attitude is not always everything. But it sure makes a world of difference.
I attended the wedding of a special friend this weekend. I don’t know that I’ve ever witnessed a couple that looked anymore delighted at the prospect of having their lives and hearts joined in marriage.
A first kiss with "attitude".
As a photographer, what was of particular interest to me was watching the official photographer work and interact with the wedding party, family, and guests. I ‘d brought a camera with me but had left it in the car so that I could focus my entire attention on the occasion and not be caught up in the imagery from it. It’s a difficult habit to break. After watching the glow on Alex’s face when the church doors opened and he focused everything in his being on his bride-to-be, I couldn’t resist running back to the car for my camera.
Although I don’t label myself a wedding photographer, I’ve shot a lot of weddings. As a result, I am very sensitive to where I position myself so that I’m not in the way of anyone who is at a wedding in an official capacity. So I was a little dismayed when the photographer approached me in the corner of the balcony and told me that he was the “official” photographer and that I was in the way of him carrying out his assignment. Mind you, the balcony could have held fifteen photographers standing abreast but, biting my tongue, I stepped back and offered him my spot. He stepped in front of me, shot one photo then turned and headed down the stairs. On the way down, he slammed his head into an overhang. He later told me it was my fault that he’d hit his head.
A few minutes later I was at the back of the church to get a shot of the couple as they turned to leave. Again the photographer came over to remind me that he was the “official” photographer and that I was again in his way. He stepped in front of me, shot one photo and marched up the middle aisle to the front of the church. I went back upstairs to be out of the way and get a better angle. When the couple did turn, he was completely out of position at the front of the church and had to dash to the back of the church.
Sometime later, near the end of the “official” family photos, the groom’s family approached me about shooting some family photos of them. The photographer had refused to shoot them because they were not on the “official” list. Although it felt a little awkward, I was glad to help them. I understand the pain of missing those important family images. Our “official” photographer marked his calendar incorrectly and was a no-show at our wedding.
Alisane and Alex Ferguson
As a result, our wedding photos are cobbled together from photos taken by other photographer friends who were in attendance. As a result, capturing all of the desired images from a special occasion is dear to my heart.
When I cover an event these days I try to always have one or two additional photographers with me. I can’t think of everything, be in every spot, nor be assured no technical glitches will ever occur. And when shooting a single image on a project, I’m delighted to get input from anyone who sees a better possibility before us. I value abundance of involvement.
I relate this weekend’s experience, not to beat up on an industry peer, but to capture an example of scarcity attitude. Including his snappish comments directed at other guests, everything the photographer did seemed to have come from a place of deep-down anxiety and fear. Fear of not being seen as competent as well as someone else appearing to be more so. I know this fear. Sadly, I’ve embraced it as well. I believe we all have at some point.
Acknowledging that we’re holding on to fear is no excuse for not finding a means of letting it go. Fear does not serve us and it stands in the way of us serving others as well. This applies to all relationships, business and personal.
Having an attitude of abundance and possibility may not be everything, but it sure goes a long way towards enjoying the process. And making it more enjoyable for others around us.
Your thoughts?
Charles
Tagged as:
Attitude,
Competition,
Creative Juices,
Emotions,
Photography
